Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, my baby daddy texted me after months of me being alone and pregnant, asking if we could hang out. I'm on bed rest, and almost due. FML
Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML
Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML
Today, I got a message from a woman. It was my boyfriend of five years' ex-girlfriend, telling me that she’s pregnant with his baby and that they’ve been together for a year. FML
Today, I'm 9 months pregnant and the father of my child has suddenly decided that the child I've carried for 9 months isn't his, and that it was "too late" to try and fix our relationship. He's the only man who could be the father, he's just finding every excuse to say, "Sorry, but no thank you." FML
Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our two, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML
Today, as things were finally heating up with a guy I'm interested in, his ex-girlfriend from two months ago called. Guess who's pregnant and guess who's still in a seven-month dry spell. FML
Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML
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Top comments
kut19 6
I'd say the deadbeat is sadder.
PennyLane27 32
A man doesn't have to be a biological father to be a daddy!
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Comments (207)
Bigbug17 0
God bless you!
smurfsarwales 9
oh, sorry to break the news to you, but god doesn't exist.
opendoorclosed 8
And I'm sorry to break this to you... you're an asshole little kid, let him or her believe what he or she wants to believe, have some respect if you want to be respected. I am not religious at all and I'm not an asshole to religious people just because they worship something I don't.
imustbeinsane 2
Don't be a douche, lets not do this
DCFan 9
^^^agree
liquidfireKAN 0
please don't have religious debates over the Internet, they don't go anywhere, you never change anyones point of view and atheists always look like bitches. (I'm an atheist too so atheists don't bitch at me)
DocBastard 40
No religious debates, please. Everyone loses, especially the mods.
kut19 6
I'd say the deadbeat is sadder.
imustbeinsane 2
I agree the ex is not too smart but he's noble at least
ImaWiseGuy 5
yea, it doesn't sound like you have the best track record for picking guys...
nigrice 0
I call ****
liquidfireKAN 0
true but what good is noble without a job? but I'm going to assume he is not as stupid as the post makes him sound.
SCREAM4meeee 0
She should have said yes ;)
Osito2011 9
I agree, but honestly technically it's 10 months and maybe op math isn't right. women usually find out that they are pregnant when they are a month a long then it's nine months left.
ImanAzol 4
Childbirth usually occurs about 38 weeks after conception; in women who have a menstrual cycle length of four weeks, this is approximately 40 weeks from the last normal menstrual period (LNMP). The World Health Organization defines normal term for delivery as between 37 weeks and 42 weeks. 4.3 weeks (30-31 days) per month = 8.6-9.7 months. There are rare cases of up to 11.5 months gestation. So while it's possible, the "normal" gestation is not 10 months.
darkch0colate 0
well maybe he got confused cuse he watched too much family guy
valalvax 13
or the guy doesnt know the birthday of the kid or doesn't know down to the day/month the last time he ****** her, I mean it was four years ago
valalvax 13
rather, 5, 11 months + 4 years someodd months
valalvax 13
oh ****... 4 DAY old son... the original point could still stand though, if he gets a lot of action he might not know the last time he was with her
herrobear 0
Maybe the guy just loves her and wants to be in her life and be a daddy?
changetheworld 0
Hey, at least he came back. Shit if I had a baby and the other person bailed I would want help.
ihatecake 0
actually in other countries beside america they will say the gestation period lasts up to 10 or 11 months
sk8rchick97 0
at least he cares
smrtrtnu 0
not all women find out they're pregnant when they're a month or more along, some find out just weeks along, AND pregnancy does not last 10 months, pregnancy typically lasts 40-42weeks (40wks/4.337weeks a month = 9.223months. douchebag
lilmisslovely13 15
Hey... me and OP live in the same state!!! :0 hee hee lol whatevah!!!
tjv3 10
sounds like you suck at picking guys. I wonder if the ex is a nice guy that you left for the current loser that doesn't want to take responsibility?
free2speak 14
I'm honestly baffled! Are people actually arguing about the length of gestation months? Fact: Pregnancy is approximately 9 months long. And how does that even concern this FML? clearly she knows he is not the baby's father. I think OP's ex just forgot the last time they had sex. Either way, I'm curious as to why he didn't ask you this while you were pregnant? If he was that concerned about the baby, I'd think he would have at least helped you out some during the pregnancy.
pinkredneck30 2
maybe she didn't tell him, and maybe that's when he found out, after the birth. still he called to find out the truth cause it raised some concern for him. a lot of guys wouldn't even had bothered till court date for child support!
pink_raindrops 26
It definately takes a good guy to be willing to step up like that, without you asking for it. I'm sure he doesn't remember exactly when you guys were together last. Maybe he just remembered you guys were together in the winter time or something. It's not like thats the date someone wants to remember
kkspears 0
ha...
Tjack_attack 0
this guy is as cool as my aunt jennys corn pudding
birdfreak 24
wow that's really sad. men are so senseless sometimes (rolls eyes)
Awahso 25
Yeah, Women can be too.
opendoorclosed 8
And so can cats.
birdfreak 24
keyword:SOMETIMES.
birdfreak 24
keyword:SOMETIMES.
birdfreak 24
yeah I did because a) she's talking about her HUSBAND not his wife and b) I grew up around guys. so yea I did single them out.
MissFukMyLuck 0
well she's got two genders to single out. considering the fml was about a man, I can see her point. and besides, everyone knows women can be such bitches sometimes :)
nigrice 0
50 - op says nothing about a husband. and everyones grown up around guys, don't think you're so special now
Exeedingmango 0
birdfreak, Almost everyone grows up around guys...
liquidfireKAN 0
I find it funny how girls always complain about guys being senseless and stuff when you girls are equally as bad, the thing is though, guys tend not to complain about it. also I would find it quite difficult to believe you DIDN'T grow up around guys. (rolls eyes) -.-
schmelia 10
birdfreak, it's because you made a generalised comment about ALL men. Not all men are (sometimes) senseless, just as not all women are (sometimes) sensitive. Anyway, gender shouldn't be a factor here. The father of her baby, an individual, seems to be a bit 'senseless'.
BadMeetsREvil 0
I can make senseless assumptions of females to. they're all crazy and get upset over the stupidest shit.. see how that works? now get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich. note - I don't think like this I love all women. y'all are beautiful
imthatguythatdid 0
birdfreak are you lesbian or something
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Guys don't complain about it? That's just as bad of a B.S. generalization as the original one. The guys I hang around (and I pretty much only hang out with guys) complain constantly about the insensitivity of some of the women in their lives. Both men and women can be insensitive bitches, and both genders complain about the other gender being insensitive. It's an annoyingly endless cycle that will probably continue until the end of time.
birdfreak 24
a) when I said I grow up around guys, I meant family wise all the cousins and crap and b) no I'm as straight as an arrow just really feminist
rawwwrrrsheet 0
you make it sound like the text was from a year ago... he sent a text into the future haha
Sukismama 2
Hahaha @5, it does sound like that huh
leechris4 2
when he's says a year ago she means the year before this one and not the one after. so no it's not from the future. it's a delayed text
leechris4 2
when she says*
Kingcc 0
laggg!!
chesebro47 0
No, she's saying the message was from her ex who she broke up with a hear ago
pink_raindrops 26
Wow that was quite a bit of work to figure out half of the first sentence...
painterpeace 0
?????
OrgasmicBunnies 9
well congratulations on the baby, but it is quite sad that he is more willing then your kids real dad. a lot of people need male role models to help fill the void.
KillTheBiebs 0
no kidding!
GrahamAker 3
well I hope you said no if some woman tricked me into taking care of a baby that wasn't mine I would want a refund....
Awahso 25
Well, i mean atleast he cares you know? Better than the man who runs off.
JosephJ93 0
im number 8!
IndigoFuckYou 9
And we're all very proud of you.
OrgasmicBunnies 9
slow clap moment
PennyLane27 32
A man doesn't have to be a biological father to be a daddy!
DjeePee 25
No, but he's her ex. OP would be pretty cruel if she starts a new relationship with her ex who she doesn't love, just to use him as a father.
LifesLovelyRoses 4
nothing says she doesn't love him. He could have broken off the relationship or it could have been a mutual thing to cut it off
supertacowaffle 41
@10 more people should think like you :)
Ugi 27
You might want to consider saying "yes"!
seenyou 3
can you not read that op stated that it's her ex ? it wouldn't be right for her to lie about the ex being the father . pls think about what you wanna say next time :)
karinaprism9 4
I'm pretty sure it was joke...
Ugi 27
I'm sorry - it was so obviously an unsustainable lie that I didn't think anyone could take it seriously. Evidently I was wrong (save for 124 there).