Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML
Today, a total stranger asked me to marry him while we were waiting for the bus. I turned him down. He then pulled a knife on me, grabbed my purse and ran. FML
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML
Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML
Today, an old lady fell in the street, and I rushed to help her. As I tried to help her to her feet, she started screaming, "She pushed me! She pushed me!" I froze up in shock, and ended up being chased by some guy who thought I'd attacked her. FML
Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
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Top comments
jkmartinjk 16
You say 15 year old virgin like its a bad thing...
kakarot2 11
Were you able to save your groceries?
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Comments (92)
Evanito007 13
I would suggest taking a car in bad neighborhoods. Unless that guy was just crazy, in that case I have nothing to suggest. :/
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Probably can't drive at 15 :(
Harshdfml 14
#10. Logic ^
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Kids these days?
ilovesarcasm 18
Crazy wackos with knives these days...
sexxxysydney 14
If the dude with the knife accused him of sleeping with his wife, I doubt he's a "kid"
Starv 6
It says that the kid was 15...
Futacy 30
^ Correction: it says OP is 15 years old.It's safe to say that the crazy dude with the wife and the knife was an adult.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Whichever teenager presumably slept with the crazy guys wife is pretty messed up too... But yeah, that was a bad comment I guess :P
PunkySpunky78 15
You can't base person's age on their looks I'm 34 years old female i look like teenager
vehementbitch 4
Shut up!
luckysilverbell 5
44- Your comment is absolutely hilarious when you read it in a caveman voice.
Pwuj 6
-44 I'm guessing you're Asian
Kayaytea 18
44- The claim that the guy with the knife is an adult is not based on his looks. It is based on the fact that in order for him to have a wife (be married), he needs to be at least of legal age, which makes him an adult.
WelcomeToAndale 13
#63 - how is babby formed?
BntyHntrSeattle 30
At least you're safe!! Maybe avoid that area in the future, if possible :
capslockisgood 19
Yeah avoid the area where he purchases food.
sens3sfailing 25
Hey! I found out there are multiple places to buy food in some areas! Amazing right? They said if possible to account for that possible scenario...
kakarot2 11
Were you able to save your groceries?
klutz44 28
No, not the lettuce!
GingerFishy 9
MY CABBAGES!
thatonegirl731 8
Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!
jkmartinjk 16
You say 15 year old virgin like its a bad thing...
Z_Diggy 8
Nowadays, kids are having sex at 13. What has our world gone to?
machiavelli2 5
Note he's better than a fifteen year old virgin, he's a knife crime survivor! Maybe that will help with the virgin dilemma...
perdix 31
#5, well, it is a bad thing if you are about to die for ******* a guy's wife. It's doing the time without the fun of doing the crime.
MrSassypants 34
#5 Being a fifteen year old virgin is a bad thing. I remember when I was a fifteen year old virgin. Luckily, I'm a sixteen year old virgin now. Oh how times change....
defferwa 9
17 year old virgin reporting in.
Murika 2
20 year old virgin here
zepher93 7
23- Maybe 'doing the dame'? Although that would crush your little rhyme you have going there.
pickles1994 18
18 year old vir... Wait nope that would be a lie. (Lost it on Valentines Day 2013!)
sens3sfailing 25
Stop. Bragging.
Snoopy0718 14
19 year old virgin-female. I'm not saying its a bad thing though.
Raesin 21
Well apparently there is no legal age in Saudi Arabia, you just need to be married.
DaftDude 11
#64 You say it like we should all be proud you had sex at 18...which we're not.
pedinhuh 23
I lost mine at my 20 yrs old, not a big deal, really.
Pwuj 6
Am I the only one here who has lost my virginity at 14? Born in 89 first kiss at age 14, lost virginty a couple days after first kiss to a 16 yr old girl,.
cblock94 7
18 year old virgin and I'm proud of it
ethan_nelson61 4
That's probably what people were saying when people started having sex in their 20's... Get over yourself...
Quinn32 16
It's just a friendly warning. He is saying that, on the off chance you sleep with his wife in the future, he would kill you with a knife.
DocBastard 40
His knife seems sharper than he is.
longtimesunshine 4
DocBastard you really went all out on your About Me.
Cryptic17_fml 4
There is a pm feature. It works wonders
TheRandomIndian 17
Misty does not have a Pikachu!
zombieslayer83 19
The condoms and KY on the top of the grocery bag were a dead give away.
perdix 31
So, you just did 69 and gave her anal, so you're both right.
finnrambo 13
Never seen perdix buried before...
perdix 31
#30, oh, I've seen it. Trust me, I've seen it!
blackfeather6 1
As a Saudi Arabian I'm assuming you're better off as a 15 yr old virgin.