Today, I had a customer tell me how much she regretted not aborting her expected child, how much she hates the father, and described to me in immense detail what it is like to pee while pregnant. All within the 30 seconds it took me to serve her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML
Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML
Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the hospital for a few tests, and it turns out that she's pregnant. She has always said that she doesn't want kids, but I hoped that already being pregnant might change her mind. She called to schedule an abortion during the drive back home. FML
Today, I made an attempt to be nicer to customers at my job as instructed, which resulted in me listening to a handful of elderly people's incontinence issues, and a meth-addict's multiple abortions in detail. FML
Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truck stop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud that I wet myself. FML
Today, I listened to a woman take an extremely fragrant crap while I waited for my pregnacy test result in the Target bathroom. FML
Today, I had to call a parent and tell them that their special needs daughter is pregnant. FML
Today, a pregnant woman asked me to give her a demonstration on how to push when having a baby. I agreed and pushed, but I may have pushed a little too hard because I shat myself. The pregnant woman laughed and said she was hoping that would happen. FML
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Top comments
guy24 9
She must if been talking very fast... Did she rap it to you?
MrSassypants 34
"Now let me tell you about my child, Wanted to have her aborted, 'cuz she wild, The father sucks, he looks like a duck, owns a shitty pick-up truck, and the pregnancy was terrible, the birth? Unbearable. The worst part was when I had to pee, Couldn't just sit down I had to lean, If I made a mess I would have to clean, It, yes, clean it all up, ******* smelled terrible; made me throw up, So what's up? I would like to order my meal, Chicken wings with fries, sounds like a nice deal, I would also like some coke, No ice 'cuz I easily choke, I'll also like some salad on the side, trying to watch my weight, I'm not trying fat up again 'cuz I'm on a date."
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Comments (84)
guy24 9
She must if been talking very fast... Did she rap it to you?
xlord 27
When you're in retail time goes slow enough for everyone to tell you their entire life story....unless you're on break, then it's over in 2 minutes.
MrSassypants 34
"Now let me tell you about my child, Wanted to have her aborted, 'cuz she wild, The father sucks, he looks like a duck, owns a shitty pick-up truck, and the pregnancy was terrible, the birth? Unbearable. The worst part was when I had to pee, Couldn't just sit down I had to lean, If I made a mess I would have to clean, It, yes, clean it all up, ******* smelled terrible; made me throw up, So what's up? I would like to order my meal, Chicken wings with fries, sounds like a nice deal, I would also like some coke, No ice 'cuz I easily choke, I'll also like some salad on the side, trying to watch my weight, I'm not trying fat up again 'cuz I'm on a date."
hessel 13
bravo #30 very nicely done.
Cartera 10
45 - That was way more than 30 seconds.
rg350dx 29
46. It was OP's rap retort to the customers 30 second spit. Or just a floating omniscient rapping narrator for the encounter.
rg350dx 29
I'm gunna shoot some shit. Only got 30 seconds with my waiter. I'm, I'm, I'm blunt an' lookin for a sum up. This is ******* awkward. Walk up to my table like What up? I got a big gut. Nah, I'm just pregnant. I got some sperm from a shit pop. Sittin on the toilet is so damn nasty. I be like, damn, it really hurts when I go pee.
MichellinMan 20
Did I just read the entire first Harry Potter book?
Glitter_taco_ 10
#45 that may just be the longest comment I've ever rapped in my mind
fareith 15
45 - I'm sure your comment was amusing, but frankly, I am far too lazy to read it all!
MissCharlotte_fml 26
70, you dont have to read it... it is much more fun to rap it
adamo_erebus 26
She must speak really fast for her to divulge so much info in half a minute.
Lacist 19
Well it must be pretty easy to say, "Hey, I was pregnant it was hard to pee it was like a (insert sensation here), and I honestly should have aborted her because I hate the father he's a bitch."
hama806 19
Some people don't know how to spare others their life details.
Welshite 40
Hey, I love spilling my life story to random people. Unfortunately, they usually start running when I begin to sob and scream "I just want someone to love," and try to grab them in a hug.
SalviBarbie 15
Some just don't deserve to reproduce..
calipilot227 16
I work as a cashier at a retail store. You would be surprised how often this happens.
howdeedoo 22
She should get a job reading the terms and conditions at the end of commercials
MysticMonkey 9
LOL must admit that made me laugh
nietzche 8
You should have told her how it feels to pee when you have a boner Seems legit
howdeedoo 22
Except OP is a woman...
buckeyed 20
actually, it's hard for women to pee when aroused/post-****** as well
howdeedoo 22
11-Still, I think the lady would already know how that feels
Ameel_fml 19
#11 Is it? Peeing is the only thing I feel like doing post-******. lol
erockinthesuburb 17
11 - it's not that it is hard to pee, but rather the trajectory and aim are completely effed up.
buckeyed 20
really? it usually takes me a second to get going after haha but it is a good thing to do post-sex! (no utis)
harrypotter955 19
Bitches be crazy now a days
Welshite 40
Witches* Stay in character, Harry!
buckeyed 20
everyone is crazy every day
buckeyed 20
what kind of service prompted that response?
SmittyJA24 26
I'll guess: she didn't like the food or your service & hated the restaurant as well.
challan 19
wow, F the childs life. I feel so bad for him or her. I would have recommended adoption.
perdix 31
You should have served her decaf.