Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my roommate's girlfriend's best friend. A few hours later, they had me evicted. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML
Today, I found out when my new roommate said she was self-employed, she really meant unemployed. She insists that I let her stay for free or she will file a sexual assault case against me. Rent is due on the 10th. FML
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Top comments
06dopey 8
assigned to an assassin. nice
jennawill10 10
Ever watched The Roomate? Yeah, you probably shouldn't now! :-/
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Comments (120)
cmcmluver 0
lucky, ateast u know no one will rob u! they'll be to scared of ur room mate! :D
shawnaishere 14
Really hope you are exaggerating about the killing but those things happen. For me the one girl I didn't like was the only one that went to the same college as me. Didn't care because it was a pretty big college until she ended up being my roommate/
downtime 13
Convince her you are her from the past, and if she kills you she will also die. She sounds stupid enough to fall for something like that.
shaybie 1
she is plotting against you. she wants you to think it just hapened that way she woll wait till you fall asleep and eat your brain. or she can just kill you, then put you in a plant and smoke you. you know like on how high thdat way you can give her all the answers lol
shaybie 1
will* that*
pdp_fml 21
She sounds crazy. Call 9/11 and report her to the police. Then get a restraining order. Then make the school expel her. You should not feel threatened when you go to school.
rubberduckie94 13
If the laws are still the same the the city police will tell you to take it to campus security even though I had a black rose and a note threatening me once. My advice carry a lighter and a trial size aerosol hairspray can on you at all times because they will not do anything. I never had to use it but I figured I could scare the crazy bitch away if I had to. I was not really going to set her on fire I just planned to hold her at bay if she tried to attack. Sorry op I know how scary it was for me and she was not even my roommate. Good luck.
groupleader 7
Kill her first, teach that lesson about idle threats.
charlesPscene 4
Maybe she says that to everyone, which is why she has no friends, because everyone thinks she gonna kill them.
MysteriousX_fml 10
Or she, you know, requested you..
IndieApathy 21
Maybe you should just ignore her, and if she does anything threatening, inform the people responsible for your dorms. Aaaand if that doesn't solve it, threaten her with a police report. Then sue her. :D