Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I also found out that the little shit likes to hide in dark, cold places. I discovered this when I heard the bastard squeal as I started the lawnmower. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML
Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML
Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML
Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML
Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML
Today, my cat escaped through my front door. It was dark out, so I had no idea where I was going. I finally caught up to him in my neighbour’s lawn and I gave him heck for scaring me. It took me a minute to realize I was actually talking to a bush in their flowerbed. FML
Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left. Several stray cats were able to come in, but were unable to get out, and left shit in various areas around the house. FML
Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML
Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML
Today, I found my pet hamster that escaped yesterday, wet and soggy, next to my pet dog. My dog chewed it. FML
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Top comments
DeltaDragonxx 20
At least he won't try to sell you car insurance anymorel
quickit 24
OP you're a coldblooded murderer.
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Comments (80)
falafelking23 10
u killed him, didn't u
pom3440 22
I-is he gonna be okay?
BLT10009 4
OP, you are a giant Richard.
siggy_mcsigx 22
Yay, Discworld. But I think it's probably a Nigahiga reference...
IndefiniteBeauty 17
Soooo, you killed him.
wafflegeddon 6
I feel sad for your sister
Camerone453 14
That is so ******* depressing. That made me cry a little.
MrsKilown 20
Oh nooo! That's awful! :(
sawwahbear 7
Did it dir
ally8 21
You killed and innocent animal then have the nerve to refer to it as a bastard... You're the bastard
Artisan 6
I'm laughing really hard cause of wording but omg the poor little thing!!!! :(