Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

Night terrors

Today, I learned the hard way that my girlfriend’s young daughter sleepwalks. I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, only to be greeted in the dimly lit hallway by her creepy silhouette. I yelped like a bitch and dropped the glass on my foot, breaking two toes. FML

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

Ouch!

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML