Today, I learned the hard way that my girlfriend’s young daughter sleepwalks. I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, only to be greeted in the dimly lit hallway by her creepy silhouette. I yelped like a bitch and dropped the glass on my foot, breaking two toes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML
Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
Today, my daughter had her gall bladder removed after just having liver surgery, my girlfriend tripped and fell, breaking several toes and possibly her ankle, and I got almost no sleep between my night shifts. FML
Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "That's what you get." FML
Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I was there with the lights out when something ran across my foot. I freaked out, tried to kick it off, and ended up smashing my foot into the side of the tub. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, whilst babysitting, I broke a glass. I explained to the kid that it was very important not to walk barefoot around where it had happened, because of the tiny bits of glass. He jumped back, scared, and while doing so tripped. I rushed to help him and ran through the broken glass. Barefoot. FML
Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
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Top comments
icalledhisname 12
No joke, there is nothing scarier in this world than a little girl at night. My young daughter has scared the crap out of me so many times! When you aren’t expecting them to be there, it’s terrifying
Amy78_fml 11
That is something to be told up front. My husband sleep walks to the "bathroom." Sometimes he actually gets to the toilet. He has opened closet doors then peed in the floor. I frequently have to rescue him because he is repeatedly walking into a wall like there is suppose to be an opening. I've threatened to cut off his liquids after 8.
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Comments (10)
icalledhisname 12
No joke, there is nothing scarier in this world than a little girl at night. My young daughter has scared the crap out of me so many times! When you aren’t expecting them to be there, it’s terrifying
Amy78_fml 11
That is something to be told up front. My husband sleep walks to the "bathroom." Sometimes he actually gets to the toilet. He has opened closet doors then peed in the floor. I frequently have to rescue him because he is repeatedly walking into a wall like there is suppose to be an opening. I've threatened to cut off his liquids after 8.
Bamisoep 9
It does scare the shit out of you. My daughter did the same when she was like 7 or 8. Also sometimes when she had a nightmare she would get out hers and stand next to our bed, just waiting for that something-is-wrong father-feeling kicks in and I open my eyes and seeing a figure in the dark.
bloopaloop 27
You got some bitch ass toes
icalledhisname 12
No joke, there is nothing scarier in this world than a little girl at night. My young daughter has scared the crap out of me so many times! When you aren’t expecting them to be there, it’s terrifying
DarkAngelsBlade 25
That’s a heavy glass.