Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML
Today, my grandmother helped out by cooking a dish for me. It was so sweet of her, until I ended up having diarrhoea because of it. Now I'm worried to breastfeed my newborn with her food in my system. FML
Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML
Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML
Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
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Top comments
faeryofshalott 25
Well, now you will be. Doesn't she read the box? If you take laxatives for too long your body won't poop without them.
Kazucchi 6
At least you've never been full of shit. You have that going for you.
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Comments (38)
BloodyGlass 10
So how did she take it when you returned the favor? X)
freddygasman 18
She probably took it sitting down
wow2mylife 25
mine just left some in my fridge for when she comes back down in winter js
uhohitslisa2 20
At least she cares? Seriously, though, FYL.
KelsieSwiftie 13
First a girl's parents are sneaking birth control into her orange juice, now this? Why do adults think younger people need to be snuck medicine without their knowledge, and assume it's okay to do so??
TheNewGuy03 29
Your grandma is definitely waaaay too lax about putting foreign and unwanted substances into your food. Who seriously abides by an adage like that? Also, congrats for also being from Louisiana.
manuwish 9
the quality at Costco isn't all that, you can get them free but than they need more training besides all the trouble getting them clean and healthy..on the upside, some traits of the wild just can't be compared, it's about enjoying the unforeseen ;) back to the laxatives, granny's special ingredient isn't everyone's cup of tea, is it?