Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML
Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, while buying laxatives and really hoping the cashier wouldn’t make some snarky comment, the cashier said, "You know, that’s not a good way to lose weight." I had to explain to him that I’m actually constipated. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, my mom won’t stop calling up all her friends and family and even telling complete strangers about my "bowel problems." Even at parties, she talks about my pooping habits every chance she gets. This isn’t what I want to be known for. FML
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Top comments
UndeadFML 22
Well we know one thing that's not running. You to the bathroom.
Tripartita 45
This is literally one of the least shitty situations on here.
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Comments (50)
Ethan_Anonymous 28
Try increasing fiber in your diet. More exercise
ohSNAPyall 27
Maybe probiotics too
LunaaBluee 27
Drinking more water as well
smallandroid 26
I feel like if OP is posting about this, they've probably had this issue for a long time and has done research and seen a doctor for medical advice already...
MrsPegg 45
^not always. Can't trust people to have common sense these days.
GeorgiaBea 28
They make medicine for that... Perhaps you should talk to your doctor.
uchua 16
Hope you asked for laxatives for Christmas.
Tejanoswhy 19
Sorry to hear that OP. Hopefully you'll get out of it
Seabass_Chan 33
#4 More like hopefully it will get out of OP.
UndeadFML 22
Well we know one thing that's not running. You to the bathroom.
SAGARCo 19
But the presents would dissolve, and even if they didn't, you'd have to do surgery, and you'd also get indigestion. That was not a well planned joke.
itsalanis 25
You had to be that guy...
A07 48
You must be super fun at parties
AyeJay101 25
I bet you don't give a crap about what they're saying....
whitedesi 10
I read Constantpation
Tripartita 45
This is literally one of the least shitty situations on here.
SirBowAndArrow 3
You might have an allergy to something you eat or drink on a daily basis! Could be something as basic as milk or so.
Red_Curls1995 28
Or if OP has is celiac. A reaction to gluten irritates the intestines.