Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I was constipated and strained so hard that I threw up into my pants and all over my shoes. I was at work, and no, I didn’t have a change of clothes. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
Today, at the ripe age of 29, I pooped my pants. It was a little diarrhea and I had expected it to be a fart, so I quickly had to grab my shorts, waddling to the bathroom, commando. FML
Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML
Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML
Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML
Today, after a five day bout of severe chronic constipation, I decided to get some orange juice and increase my water intake. The good news is that I'm no longer constipated. The bad news is that I've got diarrhea now. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
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Top comments
H4H 15
This is the one FML where I can say congrats and sorry at the same time
lui_pg 21
Incoming shitty shituation puns
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Comments (35)
lui_pg 21
Incoming shitty shituation puns
EwahWeeWah 21
I hear a shit(ysituation)storm coming.
EwahWeeWah 21
I sincerely apologise for posting that
ohthebloodygore 16
Where's the apology for being an idiot?
ThunderLightTSV 31
That was so slick I can't even be mad, 1
EwahWeeWah 21
Geez, no need to be so aggressive. Sure it was a stupid joke, but actually I hate those shitty situation jokes as much as everyone else. I guess I did it as a quick "oh this will be funny because it's a bit different" but I should've thought before posting it, I realised it was stupid but it was too late for me to delete, sorry.
wobbly1 16
He will really like shart week. (I'll let myself out now)
arano 29
You pretty much win the FMLs for today.
EwahWeeWah 21
"When you're sliding into first And your pants begin to burst That's diarrhea, diarrhea" Joking aside that sucks big time. Oh well, atleast the constipation stopped. Just make sure to watch out for when diarrhea strikes again.
False_Stupidity 42
I don't want to, but now I feel like I should oblige #1.... What a shitty situation... There, done! I'll leave now.
ohSNAPyall 27
Why'd you have to drop that bomb?
almightyymarcus 6
I've never heard of anything like this happening before lol. But I hope you Weren't to far from home and could wash off Op
akunis 4
I think he took laxatives and didn't realize how long it would take to work.. But it's a much better situation than not taking them and being long term constipated. Then your looking at stomach aches and long bouts of struggle-pooping. I heard once that if you struggle-poop and it doesn't work, you have to dig it out.
mkmon7 21
You should probably see a doctor about that OP...
ThrottleJockey 36
No shit.
anyagrande 31
Or OP could just eat more fibre and drink more water- thats usually the cause of constipation. If that does mot work then you can get fibre laxatives from the chemist
H4H 15
This is the one FML where I can say congrats and sorry at the same time
CaptainSmith28 19
Incoming "incoming shitty situation puns" comments
yerawizardlizzy 27
You need to see a doctor.
Dilwann 27
Diarrhoea is fairly common in combination with constipation. That doesn't mean the constipation is over, it just means some shit managed to leak past the blockade. If you've really been suffering from constipation for a long time (I'm thinking a week or more), you should really see a doctor.
individual00 14
I came here to say pretty much the same thing. Type 7 stool (entirely liquid) following a period of constipation is most likely overflow. OP should definitely see a doctor.