Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML
Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
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Top comments
KittyMack 13
She needs someone to tell her she's a shit friend and a shit person, no pun intended. She needs to look at herself though becaise she is garbage. If her habit of violating your privacy and destroying your dignity is so extreme that you're hiding medical issues, **** that woman's an asshole. Not feeling safe at home; not being able to trust one's own mother to have one's best interest at heart, has the potential to screw a kid up mentally/socially. And for what? To get a giggle out of the gal from next door? It's just not worth damaging your kid for that!
azouwa 26
Water, fiber, and exercise can help. Avoid cheese. Yogurt is great.
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Comments (19)
azouwa 26
Water, fiber, and exercise can help. Avoid cheese. Yogurt is great.
Zekfen 17
Wait until you start seriously dating and she tells you future spouse about the time you were constipated for 6 days, making other stories you don’t want told.
Spiritbird 17
What a weird thing to tell to your friends. Is she your stop mom??
Spiritbird 17
*step i mean
ScarletteEve 33
Well that's an inappropriate assumption. Been watching too much Cinderella, have you?
Spiritbird 17
Yes i've been watching cinderella, but there is no such thing as 'too much cinderella'. One can never get enough of cinderella. #cinderella4life
Gamessence 19
Not inappropriate at all. All step parents are ******* horrible and should rot in hell.
WHSKitty 7
Please don’t take offense to this, but your mom sounds like mine. She always talked to her friends about my business.
KittyMack 13
She needs someone to tell her she's a shit friend and a shit person, no pun intended. She needs to look at herself though becaise she is garbage. If her habit of violating your privacy and destroying your dignity is so extreme that you're hiding medical issues, **** that woman's an asshole. Not feeling safe at home; not being able to trust one's own mother to have one's best interest at heart, has the potential to screw a kid up mentally/socially. And for what? To get a giggle out of the gal from next door? It's just not worth damaging your kid for that!
RichardPencil 32
I’m not sure who is more pathetic: your mom for thinking your constipation is fun news to share, or her friends who find this nugget to be entertaining.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
There is nothing that actually says her friends find the information entertaining. My friends tell me lots of stuff I don't care about, but because they are my friends I listen until they are done talking. I'm sure the same is true in reverse. The OP only heard mom's side of things, she didn't say anything about what mom's friends felt about the information.
PenguinPal3017 19
The best way to combat this is to share her secrets.
ChromoTec 24
or leak her nudes
Donut_Wizard 23
I can here her and her friends now: “Can you believe that my child actually poops?” “How absurd!”
r1has 28
Okay here's the cheat sheet of home remedies in re bowel movements Constipation: Ispaghol husk(metamucil) one tbsp in a glass of water. Dissolve until it imbibes the water. Alternatively, the superconstipation discharger. One tbsp in yogurt Dihorrea: mint tea helps. Drink water with oral rehydrating salts (read the instructions on how to Dissolve them) until your stool firms up. Gas: a teaspoon of fennel with salt added. Swallow it Also have a talk with your mother about how uncomfortable your mom talking to her friends about your health conditions makes you feel Either she has foot in mouth syndrome, and listening to how you would rather suffer than tell her about your health conditions because of how she blurts everything out to her friends, and she'll think twice Or she's a narcissist and she'll recite the narcissists prayer A Narcissist's Prayer That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did... You deserved it. In that case you need to isolate yourself from her, and hide anything embarrassing from her
lucasj23 11
are you not able to go get your own?