Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a gun under his pillow. This was only after my friends and I surprised him with his birthday cake while he was sleeping. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Crime prevention
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML
Thanks, I hate it
Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML
Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML
Inspirational
Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed, "I love you." After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back, and said, "What kind of gun was it?" FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML
We are not amused
Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML
Spooked
Today, I found out that the loud "firecrackers" I heard the night before were actually shotgun blasts by my neighbor murdering his girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML
Wake up
Today, it's my roommate's birthday. His friends were planning on a surprise birthday cake at midnight last night, and one of them told me about it, hoping to split the expense between us, which I was totally cool with. But I fell asleep before midnight and they didn't even bother to wake me up. FML
Top comments
Stefany713 0
be careful...don't cheat on him lol
MarkSeattle 0
how could you *not* know he keeps a gun under his pillow?
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Comments (194)
Stefany713 0
be careful...don't cheat on him lol
seanreddog 4
So did you die? Hes just tryna keep safe. if hed actually shot someone with a real gun i dont think youd be posting it on here so be thankful.
mariahrawks 0
oh, he's probably not crazy.
missmurderx 8
exactly. don't cheat, lmao. that tends to equal a made for tv movie. :PP
willgraham101 0
well. if the cake had a stripper in it like it should have he might not have brought his gun out
TiffanyBlews27 0
Yeah... Cheating would be bad... My ex-boyfriend has guns in his closet, a hatchet in his bedframe, a knife under his pillow, and always carries a knife with him, so it doesn't seem to that big of a deal to me... :/
Sergio0514 0
hahahaha agree with #1
littlemissdqgirl 8
I wouldn't go around suprizing that guy....
katTKD 0
hmm op do you live in Texas? Because it's not uncommon here to keep guns under beds and such. Under a pillow is a bit extreme, but still, it sounds like good ol' Texas :)
seanreddog 4
^ I wasn't aware there's a United Kingdom in Texas...
katTKD 0
28- ????
katTKD 0
oh haha I just saw that other comment...I guess it's legal there too
missmurderx 8
32; it says the op lives in the uk, but they asked if they lived in Texas. he was making a funny(:
TokioxxHotel 0
I'm afraid to shoot a pistol. the weird thing is is that I hunt with a 7mm 08.
missmurderx 8
you look like a very happy human being, 36. #sarcasm.
tengrich 1
op is from uk... so saying he's from Texas is dum
jade567 0
36 looks like an awesome person! jeez.
Blue_Coconuts 7
14, your ex boyfriend is way too paranoid... What does he think, the Mob's got a hit out on him? Either that, or he is trying way too hard to look "cool".... I'm not sure which is worse, but most likely he's an idiot with them, and that's the fast lane for getting someone hurt or killed by mistake. I used to sleep with a gun under my pillow, but I realized that it's better to be safe. I keep it close by, so I can get it if I need, it's in a case that requires a finger tip scan, so there's an extra step. I'm also a light sleeper though, so if a door opens anywhere I can wake up... Meh.
lucious_mama 0
you hunt? wow I wouldn't have guessed you as a hunter... except for maybe makeup and bad music
sc95060sc 0
*my friends and I*
seanreddog 4
^ O no! teh grammer natzas!
arsenalfcboy 6
This is very unlikely be true, guns are pretty much totally illegal over here.
Metzler31 17
wait, isn't it like illegal to own a gun in England?
Stefany713 0
i own this FML cause I was first! muahahaha! now y'all have to obey me!!
aad2307 0
Why does this feel fake?
iiMSoCH1CI3N 0
it says united kingdom moron
MrJangles 0
52 yea that "finger tip scanner" is going to be a great idea when you need it quick. I keep mine in a drawer by the bed. I keep my rocket launcher in the finger tip scanner in my secret bat cave under your moms bed
hollee 0
the guy I'm talking has 2 guns by his bed lol they freaked mr out. He hid the first one for me, but the giant one just chills in the corner...kinda scurry... :-/ haha
hollee 0
talking TO, and it freaked ME out* gahhh lol
seanreddog 4
Under the pillow seems stupid why not under the mattress?
degrassilovur 0
oh hell.
xshadyshadow 0
90- Youre really pretty. haha, how's THAT for off topic.
sharmen 0
I shot my lover in the head, didn't kill him but he's almost dead
StoryOfTheYear 15
Sean, your cat could feed Sudan for 3 days
mnbbv 0
52: I respect the fact that you have served in the military, and that you are telling everyone in gun-related FML's to (and how to) use them safely. Also, I agree that some people do not know how to use firearms, but there are others who DO know how to use them, so such sweeping generalizations are unnecessary. Besides OP's boyfriend might know how to use his pistol.
Blue_Coconuts 7
100, I wasn't talking to OP, I was talking about 14's ex boyfriend, who has weapons stashed all over his room like he's getting attacked all the time. That's a text book case of being paranoid, and those people should be limited in their weapons. I don't think sleeping with a gun under the pillow is all that bad, the only reason I don't is because I take ambien and I can get loopy, it's a safety thing. And again, I can get to my pistol in 10 seconds, which is far faster than someone can get into my front door and into my room (both locked at night)... Anyone who broke into my house would be a fool. (82.... I also have young kids in my house.
Tadeusz_fml 5
EVERYONE: This IS a serious FML because it IS ilegal to own a firearm in Britain. Hence the far lower murder rate.
rosemary1990 0
lol dont get on his bad side. Bang !!!!
mnbbv 0
106 Haha I suppose that makes more sense... although with some of the FML's lately, 14 could be lying or completely serious. Either way, if the mob is after him, I should hope he knows how to operate his nomerous weapons. And 103 were you talking to me or 106? If you were talking to me, how did you know my name.... O.o
mnbbv 0
*14'z ex souls be able to use his weapons *numerous (teh grammar Nazis)
mnbbv 0
damn not again.... I was never a good proofreader *should
Blue_Coconuts 7
Yeah possibly, then it's more understandable. But it's far fetched to think that's the case... And I guess we have the same name, because she was talking to me.
seanreddog 4
Story, I know you're jealous of him.
jenknee1989 0
wow be careful or he might hole a gun to ya face
As1LayDying 4
perfectly normal. everyone does that right? Ha!
jenknee1989 0
also wdf this is in the uk aswel? guns are illegal .:. ur bf is dodgy
AceBoogy 2
u sound Like such a douche.
Rambo881xx 0
b
TiffanyBlews27 0
Blue_Coconuts, actually, he's not paranoid. He just likes weapons. Hahaha. But he's also really safe with them. He's the only person I know that I would trust with knives and guns. So, I dunno. I gueess he and I are both messed up. :)
TiffanyBlews27 0
Also, Blue_Coconuts, he doesn't have as many guns and knives as I seem to have implied. He has the 1gun under his pillow, and a couple of other guns. Then several knives and the hatchet. Sorry if I misled you to think he has, like, 10 of each. :/
TiffanyBlews27 0
118, I know you can never fully believe me b/c this is the internet, but I swear on my life that I'm fully serious. And he DEFINITELY knows how to use them all! He won't keep a weapon if he doesn't know how to use it amazingly.
krzywosz 0
you don't get it. in Texas u can have guns easily
cincin75 0
161, that is not a toy gun, right? USP, nice choice.
TiffanyBlews27 0
158 - lmao YES!!!!! Hahaha that was perfect! Pillow vs. gun. Live: tonight at 2 am. Who will win? lol 160 - Thank you for that comment!! Normally I agree with things Blue says, but the "paranoid" statment kinda irritated me since he doesn't know my ex. Not a ton, but kinda. :)
TiffanyBlews27 0
oops. I meant 153 first, THEN 158. :/
glorialaura21 8
Katy wht is wronge with you girl! are you like on a farm or in a gang o somthing! pshhh I live in texas! I dnt carry a gun !
duckNcover 0
lol that's illegal in UK.. must be gangsta innit blud?
saminah 0
Is this Morgan?
crazyj12006 3
That'll show you… LoL Good thing he didn't shoot
toqwert 0
Badass, (not really). Butterfly knives are more awesome though.
MarkSeattle 0
how could you *not* know he keeps a gun under his pillow?
clecavs23 0
how is this a political debate. there are democrats that have guns. I did not know that the second amendment only covers republicans.
phatdaddy 0
The OP is from the U.K. anyway. They don't have the 2nd amendment. That's why it's not unusual to break into people's houses there, with or without cake.
luvtheknot 6
If you live n Britain and have a gun you get arrested and sentenced to at least 1 year so this FML is VERY fake
seanreddog 4
Maybe he's a cop or a hard core drug smuggler/dealer. I'm sure that just cuz it's illegal doesn't mean people don't do it, no matter how perfect you British think you are.
joshdudeha 0
There're not all illegal. you can get licenses for shotguns over here.
SeedlessMe 13
Ok well if this guy has a Shotgun under his pillow, that just makes it way worse!
Tadeusz_fml 5
Yes, but it's really only farmers etc. who can apply for shotgun licences. You need a good reason.
Spongii101 12
Well, I bet that scared ya.
randomshuffle369 7
Nice investigation, Sherlock.
emo_Onsterr 0
lmao I would of pooped myself lol
silentfog 0
that's so cool
lanester25 0
How do you not know that? Do you even sleep in the same bed??
FYLDeep 26
Do you live in the ghetto?
theset3 0
you dont have to live in the ghetto to have a gun under your pillow. extra protection
l3allin_all_day 0
chea thas how we roll in da hood
CommentExplainer 0
"Hey, you are not my boyfriend!" "Oops, wrong house"