Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a gun under his pillow. This was only after my friends and I surprised him with his birthday cake while he was sleeping. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML
Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML
Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML
Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed, "I love you." After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back, and said, "What kind of gun was it?" FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML
Today, I found out that the loud "firecrackers" I heard the night before were actually shotgun blasts by my neighbor murdering his girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML
Today, it's my roommate's birthday. His friends were planning on a surprise birthday cake at midnight last night, and one of them told me about it, hoping to split the expense between us, which I was totally cool with. But I fell asleep before midnight and they didn't even bother to wake me up. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Stefany713 0
be careful...don't cheat on him lol
MarkSeattle 0
how could you *not* know he keeps a gun under his pillow?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (194)
FatMan23 10
So? I sleep with a pillow under my gun.
Splayd 10
One sleeps with a gun under his pillow to keep it close, and does not necessarily mean he has the reflexes to immediately reach for it when startled. If he did, he would have had to draw it many times in his life, and that would probably mean he has some restraint in pulling the trigger.
charlton2142 5
Ditch that shit
guyfawke 5
52, if you're in a situation where you actually need the gun, a number safe is better because the fingerprint scanner can malfunction.
Liamj774 36
Keeping under your pillow seems kind if dangerous... That's just me though
BFons 19
Oh shit I hope no one got shot.
Kyle17206 11
Why does he own a gun if you're from the UK?
fantasyworld 39
Hope no one got shot.
xxSLURPMExx 10
Pffft... I'm a yooper. At 9 I had access to a handgun and a 22
childproofpizza 19
you got protection? yeah babe, got me a .45