Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a gun under his pillow. This was only after my friends and I surprised him with his birthday cake while he was sleeping. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML
Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML
Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML
Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed, "I love you." After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back, and said, "What kind of gun was it?" FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML
Today, I found out that the loud "firecrackers" I heard the night before were actually shotgun blasts by my neighbor murdering his girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML
Today, it's my roommate's birthday. His friends were planning on a surprise birthday cake at midnight last night, and one of them told me about it, hoping to split the expense between us, which I was totally cool with. But I fell asleep before midnight and they didn't even bother to wake me up. FML
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Top comments
Stefany713 0
be careful...don't cheat on him lol
MarkSeattle 0
how could you *not* know he keeps a gun under his pillow?
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Comments (194)
ColdGold 6
YDI for waking the man up.
EpicFail2 0
I used to put mine under the pillow but now I have a case that goes on my bed fram.
dinali 0
I'm too young to be able to legaly sleep with guns, but I sleep with six different knives, and keep at least one boot knife with me in public. good for him keeping a gun nearby.
buckfasthero 0
Maybe one day you'll get to sleep with a woman.
Wookman17 4
F-in' ridiculous. You made my day. Thanks :)
Lisa89 3
So you broke into his flat while he was sleeping? Nice going...
Rickyretardo 0
I don't know why people think having weapons these days is wierd or the person is crazy back then it was normal and why not now? like jeez ppl stop being hippies
DeathShad0 1
I'm still trying to see where the FML is.
sameshitdifferen 0
What the **** did you do to make him put a GUN under his PILLOW?!?!?
Tadeusz_fml 5
I wouldn't trust an American with a spoon, let alone a gun.
Lissita89 0
Apparently you cannot read correctly. The person who posted this FML is from the UK.
The__Redneck 7
Next time they're facing some yagoff in Europe they appeased for a few years, we should consider how much they fear Americans with guns... And send a few tons of spoons instead.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
^ I confess, though this is completely ridiculous and I don't share these views, I lol'ed :)
Tadeusz_fml 5
I meant to post this in response to someone who was extolling the virtues of the second ammendment...my point is that legal gun ownership is just ridiculously stupid. Also, yagoff? What's a yagoff? If you're referring to World War Two then 'next time' you send over those men with guns, come, say, three or four years earlier so we don't have to fight on four continents all by ourselves for 3 years.
Hatty_Thibbs 0
YDI, don't surprise men like that! You should know better.