Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally went to have blood taken for an allergy test I really need. Afterwards, I had an allergic reaction to the bandaid they used on my arm. FML
Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML
Today, my acne reached a new low. Literally. I'm now getting bright red pimples on my penis. FML
Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML
Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML
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Top comments
texashater75 16
Give it time and the swelling should go down. If not, try rubbing it with some lotion and tissues.
mackdeezy 22
Try explaining that one to the doctor. YDI
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Comments (99)
hordriss 14
To quote a long standing meme: FAIL.
mif_fml 27
Why would you draw penises on yourself? Even invisible ones?
\ 28
Of all the things, penii. I'da wrote "If you can read this, it's time to mate."
mackdeezy 22
Try explaining that one to the doctor. YDI
iLike2Teabag 27
"Doc, is it normal for it to get big and stiff just by flexing?"
robotiick7 23
Nows the time for doc bastard to come into play
gc327072 31
^he isn't an all-knowing-expert-of-medicine, you know, he's a trauma surgeon. Unless OP stabbed themselves with the pen, there's not much he would do. Time for Benadryl.
twaumat 28
in Red Forman's voice 'Dumb-ass!'
littlemonster94 15
Surprise tattoo! Great way to cheat on a test... Well, maybe.
qr_fml 21
If its invisible how can one cheat I'm their test? And clearly the op has a skin reaction to it......
iLike2Teabag 27
They can't force you to take off your skin, though.
geko911 22
Or they can fail right away because you cheated.
bluerhhajfk 17
Only if it's a health exam.
dreamweeper370 10
What happens in penis. Stays in penis.
MrSassypants 34
Thank god what you said isn't true.
Tavers 19
That include the fish?
mmmPoptarts 6
Hopefully they won't be that hard to get off ;)
DarkStorm2Bad 14
Giggity.
BulldogHoops 14
That wordplay!
texashater75 16
Give it time and the swelling should go down. If not, try rubbing it with some lotion and tissues.
MakeTodayADTR 20
...That's what she said!
Obey_StudBoii 23
Looks like you learned your lesson.
archertheo 15
You could always claim it's an imprint since your allergic to lube...
xYin 16
I'm sure you didn't see that one coming.
Grand_Cookie 21
Whoops! Haha!