Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally went to have blood taken for an allergy test I really need. Afterwards, I had an allergic reaction to the bandaid they used on my arm. FML
Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML
Today, my acne reached a new low. Literally. I'm now getting bright red pimples on my penis. FML
Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML
Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML
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Top comments
texashater75 16
Give it time and the swelling should go down. If not, try rubbing it with some lotion and tissues.
mackdeezy 22
Try explaining that one to the doctor. YDI
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Comments (99)
KennyDidIt 9
Something similar happened to me, except it was my 10-year-old sister who wrote on me. I had to go around for two days with bright red blisters on my arm spelling out the word "retard".
cmb8280 24
I would so much rather have "retard" than penises. And at least you didn't do it to yourself!!
arsenicalhumor 30
I really don't understand what people gain by drawing penises everywhere. Honestly, it looks rather stupid to me, but hey- now you get to wear what you love to draw.
KM96 24
*Sarcasm Alert* -- "Very mature."
Jacksparrow72 21
You deserve it
Snowlight_fml 7
And now colour in the rest of your arm with the invisible pen.
Infinity1337 11
Why did u draw penises on your own arm? Do they get you excited?
Flaum 7
Which is worse, the pain of the allergic reaction, or the embarrassment? If the latter, just scribble in all the negative space, so your whole arm will be one giant reaction, but penis-free!
Silentcrafter11 13
You should always get allergy tests so you don't and up with extra penes (plural of penis) on your arm. Laying on a table for 15 min as they put randomn stuff on your back.....No scratching!
Xotoolyxo 16
Looks like you'll be wearing long sleeves for a while. Or you could grow a pair and strut your new tats.
AndyWooForever 7
Misinterpreting this would make people think "how did he see an invisible pen"