Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally went to have blood taken for an allergy test I really need. Afterwards, I had an allergic reaction to the bandaid they used on my arm. FML
Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML
Today, my acne reached a new low. Literally. I'm now getting bright red pimples on my penis. FML
Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML
Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML
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Top comments
texashater75 16
Give it time and the swelling should go down. If not, try rubbing it with some lotion and tissues.
mackdeezy 22
Try explaining that one to the doctor. YDI
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Comments (99)
Sonotsuave 37
It's time to page Dr. ******. Get the Hangover reference?? i iz funnayyy
iamthunder 4
Bet you didn't see that one ...
ohSNAPyall 27
Put some cortisone on that shit before it scars! Unless you change your mind about giant penis tats.
BIGxJOSH 5
Why doodle penis'
webstalkers 6
Yes... We've all been there right?!? Hmm I'm thinking no on this one dewd.
fml0505 22
You're supposed to draw dicks on OTHER peoples arms when you're in high school.
RKD 23
Tell everybody you got trashed this weekend and your buddies did it while you were passed out!
rahrah27 10
for some reason when I saw you were from Australia it all fell into place :P (I'm from there too - not hating. "Straya").
you_failed 15
Sounds like something that would happen to "bad luck Brian".
cass1221 5
lol!