Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally went to have blood taken for an allergy test I really need. Afterwards, I had an allergic reaction to the bandaid they used on my arm. FML
Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML
Today, my acne reached a new low. Literally. I'm now getting bright red pimples on my penis. FML
Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML
Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML
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Top comments
texashater75 16
Give it time and the swelling should go down. If not, try rubbing it with some lotion and tissues.
mackdeezy 22
Try explaining that one to the doctor. YDI
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Comments (99)
rawr_ily96 24
This.... This is just hilarious. You just made my night... My sleepless, terrifying night. I should not have listened to the Japanese Lavender Town music. :'(
slooby_fml 25
Shut up about the Japanese lavender town music. That shit is fake anyway
fightingkittens 39
Did you use the Mr. Clean erasers to get them off?
NurseJonathan 9
Did that work for the painting on your face? Also it wasn't the actual pen that made the marks. It was the allergic reaction.
fightingkittens 39
It was a reference to another FML, where OP drew penises on her wall with Mr. Clean erasers and then didn't come off in time for her guests to come over.
Coyotay_Yelnats 4
Draw some vaginas on it to accommodate the penises
Kiyaralovestolol 14
Why did you draw dicks on yourself?
ItsKennyBaby 9
Why not?
RoboCunnilingus 23
Superbad all over again.
Tempest559 12
Out of anything to draw you chose penises. My problems are nothing compared to yours.
TheJester12 15
The saddest part is that is no alcohol Or unconscious unwilling participants involved in this fml.
karpoi 11
Anyone who draws penises on ANYTHING, deserves it.
sapphiregirly 11
Maturity is overrated anyways!
ImOnCrackk 4
Mr. Penis arms.
winkiwinki 7
such a dick head !!
sikunt89_fml 16
Dick arm actually.