Where did you come from?

Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML

Yucky!

Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML

Today, I woke up to find a tick stuck to my eyelashes. The only way I know of to get it off is with fire. FML

Sole music

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML

Today, I realized the birthmark I have on my chest isn't a birthmark at all; it's a third nipple. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML

Ouchies

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML