Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML
Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML
Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML
Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML
Today, I saw my old high school crush in a grocery store. I panicked, because the last time I saw her, I was spouting embarrassing teenage incel horseshit at her, so I dodged out of view to look at something. She'd seen me, came over, and found me awkwardly crouched in the vegetable section, staring at a cucumber. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping at the store near my house. Upon checking out, I look up to see that my cashier is none other than the woman I went on a date with a few months ago, and whose calls and texts I ignored after she began to obsess over me. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML
Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
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Top comments
accioshannon 17
Well, she doesn't seem boring!
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
Just a little grocery shopping, nothing to get all worked out about. I love the smell of cardboard and new books, I'll give em a whiff or two while I shop. Nothing wrong with that.
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Comments (150)
accioshannon 17
Well, she doesn't seem boring!
enormouselephant 15
Neither does he, knives and pet supplies are definitely not in the same area, you followed her for all that OP...
Beeftinkle 13
I personally prefer girls who stroke bones and smell knives : /
lilhellian 27
26 I feel like you typo'd the r into a "s"
iXTMAstro 6
46 who ever said this was sexual? Only you apparently.
janelly16 7
I'm just wondering how long he followed her to notice all this. I'm sure knives and dog bones are not in the same aisle.
accioshannon 17
At first, I thought OP just ran into her coincidentally. Let us all take a moment to check out OP's name: grocerystalker.
DingoCJ 15
Today, I resorted to randomly rubbing knives and smelling dog food just to get a creeper to lose interest with me. I don't think even THAT worked on them. FML
Mahtari 19
I can't control my boner, guys.
decidedlyvague 11
Knick knack patty whack give a dog a bone, this ole girl came rolling home.
Snoopy0718 14
Dodge a bullet there.
TwiztedYuri 9
buy her a rawhide bone and she will love you for ever... maybe get a few knives while your at it. keep them in a way where she can only stroke them. and TADA you have a girlfriend
lulzcoaster 3
maybe shes a tramp ;)
farkie3 8
You dodged a SILVER bullet. My guess is that she's a werewolf.
ruabadfishtoo 0
Or just high as ****
SomeDeadRabbits 8
Oh man! She caressed a kitchen knife and sniffed a bone!? OP should definatly stop liking her for those two reasons alone! Shit... ******* narrow-minded ***** these days...
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
Just a little grocery shopping, nothing to get all worked out about. I love the smell of cardboard and new books, I'll give em a whiff or two while I shop. Nothing wrong with that.
perdix 31
Are those better than napalm in the morning?
gc327072 31
Nothing beats the smell of gunpowder. Ah, explosions.
perdix 31
#59, Leaded gasoline was pretty good, too. Too bad it's not around anymore.
Carmstro 13
Haha let's all just hope there was a perfectly good explanation behind all this.
horseridermc 2
AAAGGGGHH!?!?!
kdog333 1
thats what i do when i go grocery shopping! is it not normal or something?!
kniggit 10
These "wait, ____ isn't normal?!" comments are getting overused.
huppypuppy 3
I think you should have said hi before you saw anythng else "disturbing"...
ALlamaOnFire 20
That doesn't stop the fact that she likes touching knives or sniffing dog food...
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Well, better to get to know those things before you two go out and end up being hurt!
dirton89 7
Or bound and gaged in her basement....just saying
smallshaft 10
But bound and gagged could be fun.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Well Op was clearly following her, she probably just noticed and flashed the knives to scare him off. When that didn't work, she knew the dog food thing was her only hope, right?
RedPillSucks 33
@44 Tell that to the guy in "Girl with the dragon tatoo"
mpsteve137 15
Well now you have a way to try and win her over. Buy the freak a bone
Zedd_fml 8
OP, if she wants a bone, you don't have to buy her one, give her yours.
feldco1 17
Playing with knives and sniffing bones? Stay clear of that girl OP.
rockstar362 8
I guess she's really an "animal lover"
MrAwesomeSauce 6
Run. Run and hide
Angio113 10
Run and *rawhide.