Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML
Today, my husband farted while he was naked and bending over to pick up his clothes, so me lying on the bed got a perfect view of his butthole twitching and flapping around as the gas escaped. Who says romance is dead? FML
Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to fart in front of my boyfriend for the first time. He went quiet, got up and left in his car. I haven't heard from him in 4 hours. FML
Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
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Top comments
silentblack 0
Who stunk out who?
DocBastard 40
OMG no sex in a whole week??! How do you survive??? No but seriously, it's not very surprising how a funny moment can quickly and easily turn into an intimate moment. Laugh more with your partner, and you'll find you have a lot more sex.
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Comments (107)
ManWhatsoever 6
Sorry dear OP, this's a bad example of intimacy.
shakingmydamhead 0
Maybe if you werent ******** your pants in front of him.. Just sayin
mcinnesandrew 6
Killing each other with gas.. Hmm sounds like a romantic evening
micahsmommy 13
You know you've been married too long when...
Tits_N_Turbos 20
When the only interesting thing about you is your a mommy?
yetanotherginger 19
Not to mention that *you're* a mommy, and supposedly speak with an English accent when there's no such thing. Ask your english parent to impersonate someone from Newcastle and someone from Somerset, and note the subtle differences.
micahsmommy 13
Most Americans don't understand that there are differences in British accents just like there are differences in American accents. I've lived in 4 different countries, 7 different American states, both northern and southern England. To Americans I sound English to the British I sound American. Being a mother I what I'm most proud of recently. I also have a wonderful husband and an okay job. There isn't much time for anything else.
DocBastard 40
Micasmommy, don't feel like you need to justify yourself to these morons. You're a new mother - revel in it. You must be too nice to say it bluntly, so please allow me to do it for you... **** off, asshats.
micahsmommy 13
Lol thanks doc
OneNightStander 6
Ur son was born on 9-10-11 one day early...
jennawill10 10
Alright I just have to ask...how is marriage ever TOO long?? The point of marriage is to be together for life, not just until you start farting on eachother. It just means that those two are very comfortable with stinking up a room together. Who cares!
firemedic919 0
jump up on him ride him like a donkey before he can say no and surprise him like you should daily
rickusa 1
Maybe you need a new husband !!
perdix 31
First one who sharts loses.
reddudeover 2
You must be playing by the international rules. Here a shart is the nuclear option, mutually assured disgustion so to speak
SixthSinEnvy 39
Really? I figure that's the equivalent of a nuke.
SweetPerfectionn 3
Reminds me of a couple rage comics I've seen with the same thing happening. They seemed very happy with each other afterwards though.
Pelreskovich 11
A week.. You're complaining over a week without intimacy? Get real.
CountryGirl666 0
Yeah, I agree. A week isn't that long. I mean, man, how big is your sex drive... Bitches these days...
jman1902 0
That's so unattractive
julialinn 2
Everyone farts.
DynamicDave 11
Unless you're into that sort of thing!
IStoleTheCookies 16
The sound of a fart is like an angel singing beautifully in the sunshine with birds twittering all around. Until the sound stops and the smell chucks up.