Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, I finally conquered my fear of spiders by catching one in a cup and releasing it outside. Feeling proud of my bravery, I proudly showed my accomplishment to my roommate, only to realize it wasn't a spider but a piece of lint. I screamed louder than I would have for a spider. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
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Top comments
CandidB 4
How do u impress someone by showing the smashes remains of a dead spider?
lexa1love 16
I would have done the same thing. The spider should not have been crawling around free, and he should have told u about his pet when moving in.
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Comments (294)
maddiewoah 15
Don't worry OP, I'd have smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it too. I LOVE how that was written, lolol. :D But still. I'd have done it too. I hate spiders.
julien672 0
This is a unique one..
monkiki62 5
Wow u think regular spiders actually get that big? I mean how could you not realize it was a tarantula you don't just find those. It was obviously a pet. Ydi jerk.
rheaboo 0
Actually I have found many tarantulas just randomly it's normal in Texas as far as I know so idk where she is but it may be normal there too
saidawhiting 14
Let me guess. You probably think there's no such thing as wild guinea pigs, too.
deck51er 3
This made me laugh. Nice play on words.
anniekins 6
Spiders are scary creatures. A pet spider shouldn't be on the loose like that, I'd kill it too :(
_Full_of_excuses 5
If smashing a spider is something that impresses guys, I now know where I've been going wrong this whole time now!
_Full_of_excuses 5
If smashing a spider is something that impresses guys, I now know where I've been going wrong this whole time now! Edit: Sorry for the double post!
MargieDrury 1
My bad 69 and btw this was a lame ass comment for the first one.
thisbitchlys 0
how would showing him a dead spider impress him tho. anyways youve got balls i couldnt have even gone near it.
dansco 25
seriously how do mistake a trantula for a spider?! Well bet he was impressed lol
AmbrosiaWriter 17
Maybe because a tarantula IS a spider? It's an arachnid AKA, a spider.
sadistmonkey 19
Err...scorpions are arachnids that are not spiders.