Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, I finally conquered my fear of spiders by catching one in a cup and releasing it outside. Feeling proud of my bravery, I proudly showed my accomplishment to my roommate, only to realize it wasn't a spider but a piece of lint. I screamed louder than I would have for a spider. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
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Top comments
CandidB 4
How do u impress someone by showing the smashes remains of a dead spider?
lexa1love 16
I would have done the same thing. The spider should not have been crawling around free, and he should have told u about his pet when moving in.
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Comments (294)
drawmyhearton_fml 3
You both deserved it. He should have told you about his pet spiders, since many people are afraid of them. And you, well don't kill spiders! It didn't do anything to you and it's not its fault it's ugly >(
ElricMustang 23
Who says they're ugly? That's just an opinion.
Btelgeus 11
Spiders that size normally are poisonous, you know. Better kill them BEFORE they do anything to you
t765234 10
209- What? Turantula venom is basically nothing to humans, the only reasons turantulas are dangerous are their fangs and hairs.
ImTheAlpha 30
209: Larger spiders don't really use that much venom. Tarantulas don't have very much venom, they rely on superior size to capture prey and fight predators and competition.
ChloeRenee27 0
" I smashed the god damned holy shit out of it " :) This made my day .
MargieDrury 1
Lol same girl same.
b33tle97 0
Why would you want to step on it? That would be alot of shit to clean up. If it were me my reaction would have just been to kick it out the door.
Quiet_one 22
But if you kick it, it might turn around and crawl up your leg! Better to kill it as quickly as possible before it has the chance to jump up and latch onto your face with its nasty spider legs. Unlikely? Yes. But these are the kinds of things a person with severe arachnophobia thinks about. It's called an irrational fear for a reason. :)
skyeyez9 25
Th godzilla of all spiders should never be considered a "pet."
skyeyez9 25
Good thing he didn't have a pet camel spider. Those things are hideous. I saw one in my house last summer.
cuddlebunny3548 11
Hehe what did he do?
piccolocl 0
You didn't find it weird to find a tarantula strutting about your home recently after your new room mate moved in? But seriously, its not your fault, he should have told you
sabb1228 0
This made me imagine that mentos commercial where the guy gets his ass kicked by the spider lol.
RoseCrystal 17
I laughed out loud because of how this was written. Hell, I'm still snickering. I probably wouldn't have killed Satan's pet bit rather summon the cute roommate to get it, thus he could explain that he owns the eight legged freak.
wags140 1
The roommate would me no longer cute .. After figuring out he had a spider pet Just saying(: