Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high-pitched voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML
Today, after waking up to find a large spider outside my bedroom door and screaming, waking up my mum to kill it, she then sprayed it and went to pick it up. She then informed me it was made of plastic. My cat had got into the Halloween decorations from the spare room and decided to play. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
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Top comments
AlwaysWatching 27
Now he has to burn down the room and watch it be extinguished from the sidewalk.
TheFlamingTiger 9
In all honesty, I probably would have done the same thin
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Comments (158)
buenhombre 9
Did you bring any fire after?
extrasnipes 22
I have no clue if this is a reference or something
incoherentrmblr 22
When the time is right, you will know...
EvilPuggy 11
The next fml is about a boyfriend setting the house on fire while cooking breakfast and one of the first comments says Did he see a spider? And a reply days Must have been the size of a tic tac. Hehe! ^=^
grapefruit_hd 7
The next comment says the same thing but got 100 more up votes
asnakelovinbabe 16
I will never begin to understand why so many people vilify spiders so much. I get that some have genuine phobias, but really, in the majority of people this fear was learned as a child. Don't teach your children to fear spiders (or any valuable part of an ecosystem for that matter)... Teach them respect, and not to touch. They're fascinating and incredible critters that have conquered every available niche, to the point that they ran out of niches so they made up some new ones and filled those. Spiders are awesome. It's ok if you don't want them in your house, and if you want to eliminate them from it.... but really, it's a tiny little spider, there is no reasons to act so irrational and spazzy about it. I had a friend in high school that would cause a huge scene and scream and shriek when she saw a spider. Everyone would stop and stare. It was downright embarrassing. I think that in her case (not all cases) part of it was exaggerated acting for attention.
Eleanor6141 11
105, I hope you wake up one morning with thousands, crawling all over you..
Sports_guy3 28
You think spiders are awesome? You have been watching too much Spider Man. Or have been living in a cave. Get out the cave and go into the light. you'll see that spiders rule us humans and punish those who stand up to them.
doctorhook86 25
#116: Wouldn't she see even more spiders if she were living in a cave?
redpanda11 10
I believe the reference is to "kill it with fire "
slipstreak 10
And how does one "bring" fire?
Pinkgal123 24
Maybe a blow torch? Flamethrower? I dunno. It's a way.
YouForgotTheKey 3
Just because you find them to not be horrifying or as bad things. Others do, and it's not always brought on by being brought up that way. Situations or things seen can cause people to have a phobia of them. To make light of it and say it can just be fixed by showing them and teaching them from a young age to not feel that way about them is somewhat ignorant. Most people with phobias wish they could get rid of them. To what other people see as an over reaction or something funny is a traumatic experience for the one with the phobia. Why is it that people who are afraid of them are in the wrong? As well as the fact that I'm sorry your friend embarrassed you, but she was most likely the one most embarrassed. Fear in itself is irrational. I assume you don't have any fears since you pretty much just took what was a horrible experience for your "friend" and made it out like she just wanted attention. You should read up on phobias and things alike before talking about them. You evidently don't realize how they work. Otherwise you end up sounding how you do right now an insensitive, ignorant prick.
AlwaysWatching 27
Now he has to burn down the room and watch it be extinguished from the sidewalk.
anormalperson 25
im guessing that was a reference to the last FML?
OysterPearls 33
No need to guess, it's right below this one...
anormalperson 25
why do people always need to hate on comments jeez I was only saying that it was like the last one
meganlovestea 15
Calm down 83
anormalperson 25
in not even mad, I may have sounded like it but im not
TheFlamingTiger 9
In all honesty, I probably would have done the same thin
warsun 27
I don't get why most expect us men to be the big man and kill the spider. We got fears too, the dark still creeps me out.
illegalbeagle69 23
Hell, I'm a 16 year old 5'11 boy. I still jump into my bed, after I turn off my bedroom light, out of reach of anything under my bed, and I pull the covers over my head. Because, afterall, we all know nothing can get you when you're under the covers.
JJ_86 22
FYL OP. But on the bright side you know what you need to do if ever there is any argument between you two. Evil laugh!
SmilieAKD 20
Well, did you kill it?
Liamj774 36
I surely hope you told him to man up and leave.
borias 6
It's 2014. Grow up.
DemosthenesMB 13
Who has to grow up? OP or #5?
TheCrispyCat 20
OP wasn't screaming like a bitch at a tiny spider.
Ali_Br_fml 33
There are people with debilitating fears of spiders. Just because they have crippling phobias doesn't mean that they are any less manly. I'm scared of flying roaches. I know it's a stupid fear, and that they can't hurt me, but that doesn't stop me from running out of the room the moment I see one, or scream and run if it starts flying towards me. And now it's 2014. We're starting to understand that the unreasonable emotional expectations placed on men can be harmful. They should be allowed to be scared of things too. They aren't that different from us females...well...They are pretty different, but they're human beings too. Cut him some slack. (darn,I was really trying not to make it this long)
doctorhook86 25
I'll downvote anybody who thinks it's ever okay to tell someone to "man up".
1two3four5six 23
just because he has fears like everyone else he's not a real man?
mike762414 6
Find a real man
OysterPearls 33
Just because he has arachnophobia doesn't mean he isn't a "real man". I really wish people would stop associating fear with femininity.
YouForgotTheKey 3
Arachnophobia is a big thing for a lot of people. I'm sorry that someones sever phobia is not manly. Something that they can't really help themselves with. Just because it's a man doesn't suddenly make them not manly. God forbid a man can fear something.
llamaslikesoda 21
Hey, tic tacs are terrifying. FYL, OP. Just remember that everyone has a fear, still, he's a grown man and shouldn't be afraid of that.
sweetbliss3 37
why not? because hes a man, and society says men cant be afraid of anything? **** that. everyone has fears, and there is nothing wrong with it. a fear is a fear is a fear whether it be heights, spiders, darkness, etc. grow up!
skankydairyman 5
Like #50 said, arachnophobia could be the answer as to why he screamed. Its stupid how society automatically thinks thats hes not a real man because of that. Even "real men" have fears, just some have better ways of dealing with them.
llamaslikesoda 21
Oh shit, y'all think I'm a chick. My apologies of my selfishness taking control of my words.
sweetbliss3 37
we really dont care what you are. only thing noticed was your ignorant comment.
olpally 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What a wuss. Lol. I understand people have arachnophobia but holy shit. That's a little much.
extrasnipes 22
not really, people faint and have panic attacks
Raidriar 14
8, if you had that, I'm sure you would not be here making fun of it. It's incredibly rude.
octinate 17
You don't really get what a mental phobia is do you
AlaskanG 27
#48, this is FML.. Do you call out every single person who is "being rude". That's like the entire site.
annunaki_fml 11
why did this get downvoted so bad? its true. oh hell,now im gonna get downvoted.
YouForgotTheKey 3
#8 Fine you try having it then. I've had it since I was three and all my mother ever did was laugh at me. Have you ever seen something that makes your chest tighten? You can't breathe? You get so scared you start to cry in front of everyone? Till the point if it's not dealt with you legitimately pass out? If you answered no then why don't you shut up about it.
nlm92 15
Geez... I guess they can bite but wow...
drivingmissdaisy 13
You guess they can bite? @9
nlm92 15
What's the problem
pitapizzaparty 18
Okay well im an arachnophobe and i would do the same thing hes probably one too lol someone has to be brave