Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, I finally conquered my fear of spiders by catching one in a cup and releasing it outside. Feeling proud of my bravery, I proudly showed my accomplishment to my roommate, only to realize it wasn't a spider but a piece of lint. I screamed louder than I would have for a spider. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
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Top comments
CandidB 4
How do u impress someone by showing the smashes remains of a dead spider?
lexa1love 16
I would have done the same thing. The spider should not have been crawling around free, and he should have told u about his pet when moving in.
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Comments (294)
Battle_Waffle 4
Spiders suck so its okay
t765234 10
So can I kill morons? They suck as well.
SignUpisntcool 3
Who came up with the idea to have spiders as pets. I'm sure a lot of people would agree with me that their scary.
SignUpisntcool 3
Sorry, I need a question mark for the first sentence.
DocBastard 40
No, I'm sure very few people would agree that their scary. They might, however, agree that they're scary.
SignUpisntcool 3
Dangit, I have to watch out for that!
KeyboardWarrior 10
How do you end a sentence, mid sentence?! Their scary what? Finish it boy! Aww. Doc got to you before I did... Back to the cage...
SignUpisntcool 3
Back to the cage, what?
BostonBruinsFan 8
Hey Doc, what's your new pic?
ImTheAlpha 30
I love tarantulas. Only reason spiders are scary to me is because they're tiny and could be anywhere. Tarantulas are big enough to keep fairly good track of, thus allowing them to be kept as pets and removing søme of the creep factor.
uss125 0
Where do you live that you wouldn't realize a spider that size isn't wild
KeyboardWarrior 10
Oregon, U.S.
gabbyboo194 2
Arizona.
desireev 18
Oklahoma.. The spiders here are HUGE!
xXRiah_GirlXx 9
Arizona, Oregon and Oklahoma- 3 more us states I will never visit...
Sumalum 7
Hawaii, Florida, Washington, and I agree Oklahoma has beast spiders.
alissa222 15
We don't have huge spiders in Arizona. Coyotes, yes. Scorpions, yes. Racist political figures, yes. Freakin wild tarantulas, no. (at least not in the more occupied places, anyways)
xgetxbentx 13
Oregon...exactly where OP is from. They have a ton of large bugs of all sorts, and regardless, if you saw a giant ******* spider in your house what exactly would you do? Especially if you live somewhere that giant spiders AREN'T common in.
redbluegreen 41
That's odd. I've lived in Oregon for nearly 20 years and I've never seen a bug or a spider that was larger than an inch.
Ins0mau 20
I live in Australia. We get pretty huge ones here that can come into houses.
lostmongoose 23
I've never seen a native spider comparable to a tarantula in Oregon. That being said we do have several species that are dangerous. So better to just kill it and be safe. Damn hobo spiders.
gashytashy 5
Repping australia... this things are on steroids!!!
adam2125 4
You are my hero
GlitterBomb 5
Bet that really impressed him!
MargieDrury 1
Wow your gorgeous!lol
KVKdragon 26
Even though it was kinda dumb that you wanted to impress your roommate that way, I can't blame you for smashing the guts out of that spider. Your roommate should've told you that he/she had a pet tarantula so this could be prevented and there'd possibly be no surprises.
kimmi41509 10
I'd kill it too. Or it better be caged at all times with no way out, in my room mate's room. Gross.
Kiki242 19
I love the wording of this fml!
Quiet_one 22
FYL for living with this guy. If I were in your place, I'd reconsider his "cuteness" - I love animals, but a pet spider is an instant, irredeemable deal breaker. Even a (non-venomous) snake is at least a hundred times better than a tarantula. Gross.
lylotrezor 20
Your roommate deserved it for not warning you. The tarantula, however, did not. :(