Today, I talked to my ex from Uni for the first time in 10 years. I told her my wife and I just had a baby, and her immediate response was, "I WAS A BABY ONCE!" What the hell did I see in her? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, while shopping, I bumped into a guy I knew in high school. He went on about he heard I'd got married, looked like I'd had a baby, and that, "she looks just like you!" The kid was my niece, and my husband broke up with me 2 years ago. Thanks for bringing that up. FML
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, after two months of being apart from my wife of five years, who'd returned to Panama to deal with a family issue, she innocently slips into conversation that she’s been hanging out with her high school boyfriend. When challenged, she responded, “You get to see me all the time!” FML
Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML
Today, I had to go to the mall for a quick errand. While there one of my friends who works at a phone booth was there and I stayed for a little bit chatting with him. While chatting, a girl passed by. She was so pretty that I blurted out, "What a woman!" out loud. Turns out it was my ex. FML
Today, I met my ex, whom I have not seen in years, in the airport. She was with a 3 year-old girl who ran to me with open arms, happily saying, "Papa!" Overjoyed, I picked her up, hugging her back, and kissed her. My ex then condescendingly said, "She's NOT yours!" When I asked why, she said, "She calls ALL MEN 'Papa'!" FML
Today, my ex called me, apologetic about her mistakes, and saying she realised she wants to be with me. I eventually agreed to coffee, just to see if the old spark was still there. I ended up leaving after 0.0000005 seconds. She was 6 months pregnant with some other dude's baby. I wasted my afternoon for this shit. FML
Today, I attended my college roommate's wedding. We were best friends for 4 years, but have only talked occasionally since graduation. I was looking forward to meeting her new husband, having heard so much about him during our conversations. Turns out she forgot to mention he's my ex. FML
Today, my wife of 8 years bumped into my ex-girlfriend from 10 years ago. Despite having never met one another and no overlap in our dating, they both knew each other, but both acted like they didn’t. My ex proceeded to have an anxiety attack, and my wife played aggressive mind games with her. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Thaylok 17
It sounds like she still is (a baby). Great things happen when you mature.
Bogrbon 27
She was 10 years younger and hotter, and you were 10 years dumber.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (7)
Thaylok 17
It sounds like she still is (a baby). Great things happen when you mature.
cuz803 46
She's an ex for a reason. Almost everyone can relate.
Brightside86 31
Sounds like she must have been very pretty. It's basically a super power.
Bogrbon 27
She was 10 years younger and hotter, and you were 10 years dumber.
RichardPencil 32
Tell her, "I know! That's why we named our baby after you!" That'll freak her out! I'm also hoping to bump into a woman I had a mild crush on in college at some reunion who has the same name as my daughter (whom I named in honor of my late grandfather). I want to tell her I named my daughter after her just to see her reaction!😂😂😂
poopface82 25
I had a friend in law school who introduced me to a woman he was seeing, and after he gave us almost no information about her, including what her name was, she introduced herself with, “Hi, I’m a nurse.” If you have one dope in your dating history, that’s normal. If all there are are dopes, you’re the dope.
Bammer1389 7
Why were you talking to her after ten years and after just having a baby?