Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML
Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML
Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML
Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML
Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML
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Top comments
keke_fml 0
let's see which one kills you first
Charlesdenfreude 0
Wow, that's like the healthiest activity I've ever heard of
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Comments (208)
elisapizzaa 0
yooo you all need to chilll
BizzBoy 0
Math 101: french fries = fast food = cigarettes they both kill you slowly, so what's the deal eatting your cigarette. you might want to try to smoke the fries too.
pgray18 0
#47 go **** urself
ihateyouall 0
Today, I am a cigarette. Some idiot was smoking me, and eating chips at the same time. They mistook me for a chip. I got eaten alive. FML. i am so surprised that someone hasnt done this already i dont get what peoples obssession is with doing a fml from someone elses point of view they are NEVER EVEN FUNNY YOU IDIOTS. so just to clarify i dont think i am being funny here i am making a point about the idiots who always do it and think they are being funny, the goons.
a201 0
Just with the first line, YDI.
icedrake523 2
I don't know which is dumber. Smoking while eating, smoking while eating as you're driving, or smoking.
Theos_fml 0
Cigarettes do not contain all the stuff people say it has. Methane is flammable-so you probably won't be breathing it in. There's no urine either. If any of you have been in a chemistry class, you probably would realize that it's mostly formed in the chemical reactions that take place (many possibilities and not always with the same yield). And of course, when reacting chemicals, you must wear safety glasses, a lab apron, and dispose of the waste when you are done (and most kids don't eat the experiment-or breath it in for that matter). Cigarettes do cause cancer-It's because the chemicals in it will cause a cells surface proteins to stop working (usually by messing with the cell's DNA. Anything would do that, but only some things can get through the membranes) so that it no longer detects boundaries. It reacts to the "open space" with rapid growth to fill the "gap" and heal the nonexistant injury. These cells are still part of of your body, so your immune system will not destroy them. They are only loosely attached too-they are concentrating on multiplying and not binding, so they will easily break off into the bloodstream and spread. The cancerous cells will then multiply elsewhere and stifle the healthy cells and use up lots of resources without really releasing anything into the bloodstream to signify it. After that you will die.
ihateyouall 0
#58 get the **** over yourself you motherlicking bag of piss
Theos_fml 0
By the way, #56 is right, it's annoying.
ASSRAPE 3
Awe Damn.