Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching TV when an infomercial for "Male enhancement" came on. As I grabbed my phone, my girlfriend said, "Oh honey, don't buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML
Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML
Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to "Listen to this voicemail." I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty, followed by the bed springs bouncing for three minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML
Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was a pocket dial. I decided to listen to it carefully and realized it was him having sex with another girl. FML
Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML
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Top comments
Hannah_fml 0
I don't see how that's bad. If she thinks it's okay, it means you satisfy her regardless of size, and she accepts you for you and doesn't want you to be fake... she appreciates your natural beauty.
shinshoku13 19
Why hurt her feelings? This isnt preschool and she didnt mean to hurt his feelings, it actually sounds like she wanted to reasure him
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Comments (50)
bambi_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
OOH. that's gotta hurt. tell her you don't mind that her boobs are small either!
shinshoku13 19
Why hurt her feelings? This isnt preschool and she didnt mean to hurt his feelings, it actually sounds like she wanted to reasure him
SirDirtyRedD 15
i agree #61
ridiculous_gnome 0
****... thats a scar that will not heal... ever... move on
Alice_fml 0
Hopefully it was a joke, albeit a rather tasteless one. Try going for your phone at better times in the future!
Hannah_fml 0
I don't see how that's bad. If she thinks it's okay, it means you satisfy her regardless of size, and she accepts you for you and doesn't want you to be fake... she appreciates your natural beauty.
ryguy997 0
EXACTLY.
je_tdwp 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Uhh knowing women, she was totally lying.
ridiculous_gnome 0
hum... but... if she's listening to the tv guy saying "have a smal poking device my friend?" and she is automatically thinking about the dude... well... thats no good sign...
Hannah_fml 0
If I heard one of those, especially while I was with my boyfriend, the natural train of thought for me would be "Penises....most recent penis I've seen.... my boyfriend's".
Hannah_fml 0
And yeah, #6, the average is apparently 5 inches. On the internet everyone seems to claim 7-9 inches though, and that would definitely hurt me. E-penises are gigantic. **** doesn't help society's expectations either.
sillypun 0
I'm no horse but my girl is rather shallow.... Not sure she could handle more and I don't get to fully thrust.
Crow801 0
I don't think all **** stars pack a 45 inch penis.
Hannah_fml 0
#10.... I don't think anyone does. and #11- only the first two inches of the vaginal canal are sensitive, therefore all a man really needs is 2.5" to satisfy their woman.