Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML
Today, I was yelled at and beaten up for staring at a woman’s breasts. My medication causes me to stare off into space and I didn’t even realize I was staring at another person until it was too late. FML
Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started daydreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone came up to me and said, "Try not to be so obvious." Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML
Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML
Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML
Today, I was talking to a customer and I actually fell asleep for a couple of seconds. I can honestly say she wouldn't stop talking and didn't even notice me snoring. FML
Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML
Today, I tried to look productive in a meeting by nodding along, only to realize too late that I was actually nodding off. When my head dropped forward, it made a loud thud on my desk, and everyone stopped talking at once. FML
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML
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Top comments
Iamnotmyself 17
Last time that happened to me it was a transsexual, her name was Alecia. Best hookup of my life, although her legal name was Billy, our love was real and true. So two days went by and as our passion reached new heights she caught me hitting on the cashier in walmart. We broke up shortly afterwards. She's now with boners.
imustbeinsane 2
oh god lol i completely forgot what the fml was after reading that
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Comments (112)
Iamnotmyself 17
Last time that happened to me it was a transsexual, her name was Alecia. Best hookup of my life, although her legal name was Billy, our love was real and true. So two days went by and as our passion reached new heights she caught me hitting on the cashier in walmart. We broke up shortly afterwards. She's now with boners.
imustbeinsane 2
oh god lol i completely forgot what the fml was after reading that
genesisnirvana 11
1-your story makes me want to start zoning out.you live an exciting life my friend.
Majstr 23
Cool story bro!
vickiejiang1990 0
I'm speechless
Iamnotmyself 17
-14 This is true just ask Boners.
Pixxio_O 11
I cried when I read 1's story :'(
YayorNay 8
Hate that during school, girls just always happen to turn around.
deathtrap 0
that's such a romantic love story.... but tell us what happened with the tranny from walmart ? did you marry and live happily ever after or did he/she leave you for a stock boy at walgreens?
Gfrigo 1
They should make a movie of #1s story. Or at least a tv special.
Iamnotmyself 17
-35 From that point on I've had to compensate for my loss, I had to start going to websites and commenting funny things to gain an audience. I would gain another customer or two, considering I am a prostitute, but then I found out some shocking news. Alecia is actually KaySL on this site.
ktateprado 0
Yes! ^^^^^^
ktateprado 0
Damn it, you outdo my comments.
Dalliance 4
I just enjoy the fact that such a lengthy and amusing comment was first.
SneakherHead 5
Wow you should turn this into a movie O__O
Iamnotmyself 17
-68 Sorry, I hate reality tv and historical fact. So that's a no.
Danielt104 6
Were you in Amsterdam?
FlashBurn 13
That's why staring is bad. All women seem to think they're worth staring at! At least you weren't caught staring at some guys junk.
DjeePee 25
If we're not worth staring at, why in earth are so many guys then staring at us and checking us out? :'') That woman reacted way over-the-top (it's never oké to use physical aggression when someone is just staring), but maybe she has had enough unpleasant experiences with ill-mannered men for that day.
chuchurocket 4
Guys are more interesting to stare at anyway
blakid 10
True ;)
juicedboi 7
They are worth staring at. The female body in good form is perfection. The flowing curves and natural contour make it beautiful to look at, for both men and women. The male body is a lumpy block of meat chipped into smaller lumps called "definition". Anyway my point is, I love women and I have all their albums.
ktateprado 0
I dated a woman once, then she dumped me after I was staring at another womans chest.
FlashBurn 13
Well it all depends, but a lot of the ones that aren't pretty think they are, while there are some that are. Haven't you heard staring is rude? I think they would rather prefer the look-over rather than staring.
JTthePurpleNinja 5
That sucks, maybe your sub conscience is a perve ?:L
Denikk 0
Haha she wans't very smart, was she?
yomommma 6
What does being smart have anythig to do with this?
ScaughtieHolden 11
28, don't make fun of stupid people, it's rude.
MissMittens 0
bieber hair :( must wash eyes.
SneakherHead 5
Lmao not even bieber himself has that hair style anymore
a_nutritionist 10
@28 because if she was intelligent she would notice his eyes hadnt moved after her chest had relocated from its previous position.
juliaaalove 8
Of course you just "zoned out" op..
Youtube00 5
No pair of jugs is good enough for zoning out, ever. The pooper, on the other hand...
beetboxboy 9
Depends
CallMeHush 1
I know they are all nice to look at but I hope you got slapped for staring at an epic pair. Anything less would be a shame.
SirBedevere 0
I "zoned out" once. Now I'm not allowed to go to any public playgrounds, or play areas in McDonalds.
Tobias5505 0
silly Ursa Pedoficous
jackgoldstein 5
... nope
EvilPotato 15
what'd ya do
bloodxthirsty 7
Ive done that and I'm a girl but I'm bisexaul soo yeah but not very many people know soo most women think I just zoned out but half the time I am staring at there chest
Majstr 23
Lucky you.
Iamnotmyself 17
-16 Lucky us, bisexual pride! **** ya! Only men still think I'm bi, I'm not sure if it's black lipstick or ripped jeans.
byteolu 0
Bisexual your boyfriend is so lucky
OneBigMessUp 5
Hahah that must have been an awkward situation to be in, i feel sorry for you seeig as you couldn't help it!
noahmg10 5
well he coulda Just zoned out lookin at the table?:) haha
beetboxboy 9
But then there wouldnt be an FML. Haha
OneBigMessUp 5
Haha yeah so true!
Laterial 3
Sounds like you spotted something better than skim milk and half/half...
nikkilorenz7 5
your picture... is so true.