Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML
Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML
Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML
Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML
Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML
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Top comments
keke_fml 0
let's see which one kills you first
Charlesdenfreude 0
Wow, that's like the healthiest activity I've ever heard of
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Comments (208)
Komatose 0
#35 It is soooo ironic that you misspelled "moron." and at the OP, I don't judge you, but that's hilarious!
Theos_fml 0
#40 is right-go for long term things...like death...
Amphysvena 11
eh, why not? we're going to die sometime, anyway.
lucie_fml 0
that sucks so badly. :) you made my life a little funnier. thanks.
Lambshanks 0
Cigarettes, french fries and a non exercise based method of travel? Why don't you just speed up the process by driving with your eyes closed!
Mhmthathappened 0
Not like pot is it? Just doesn't have that same effect, does it?
ihateyouall 0
YDI for being a dirty smoking bastard. why the **** is this a **** my life when you are the one who is ******* there life up by smoking.
CathXPeters 0
Real nice..... That must have sucked.
jessiexx12 0
you deserved it that stupid
Mhmthathappened 0
It's not like eating pot, is it? Just doesn't have that same "smoking effect" Lmao. Dumbass. Seriously. Who smokes, eats and drives at the same time? Multi-tasking my not be your thing (ignore my first comment. I didn't finish it. haha)
24788 7
Yuck, I could not imagine the taste of a ciggarette.