Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML
Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML
Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML
Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML
Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML
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Top comments
keke_fml 0
let's see which one kills you first
Charlesdenfreude 0
Wow, that's like the healthiest activity I've ever heard of
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Comments (208)
mahzippazbroke 0
#88 - Seriously? Second hand smoke? Still living in 2004 are we now? Regardless...all of my friends are smokers and so am I. Most of them don't eat and smoke at the same time, but almost all smokers smoke and drive at the same time. It really calms your nerves, especially in rush hour traffic. Not to mention, it doesn't take your attention away from driving...it's more or less second nature. OP - Don't mix up french fries with cigs dude...learned a good lesson there didn't ya now?
eternalwait 0
Shouldn't do either while driving.
AgentGreenEyes 4
YDI just for smoking... I bet you are also the brilliant type of person who tosses them out the window
so_me_fml 0
My favorite part: "in conclusion..." He he he
Endymion_fml 0
Smoking AND eating at the wheel?!
yojoeletsmakeout 0
mmm nom nom! :D in all seriousness, ydi, simply for smoking.
Blunted 0
Damn, this is the 3rd smoking FML I seen get bashed on because an OP made a lifestyle choice that indeed and proven bad for you, but alas..it's his choice. Smokers do need to follow curtesy rules and should be responsible, but disrespecting someone because of it? Your pathetic.
lulahanno 4
you're*
BaiRen 0
Hmm, Have a death wish do we? I usually call both of them lil' death sticks. They're probably both just as healthy weather you smoke them or eat them.
Phobic_fml 14
#18, because the rest of us have to deal with it too. if i didn't have to breath in your smoke, i wouldn't have a problem with it.
jennaboo 0
oh that sounds real safe.