Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. FML
Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML
Today, I took a trip to the library's public computer section to get some important work done. After a bit of work, I went to stretch only to see that the man next to me was watching some adult films on his computer and discreetly touching himself. I still had 58 minutes of computer time left. FML
Today, I witnessed a man masturbate into a public urinal, miss, fart, and then leave without washing his hands. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom to take a piss. While washing my hands, I heard someone taking a large dump in one of the stalls. When he was finished, he left the bathroom without washing his hands. Turns out he was the IT guy I called to fix my computer. He sat down on my chair and used my keyboard. FML
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Today, I went into a public bathroom and walked in on a guy checking his butt out in the mirror to see if he'd wiped properly. FML
Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML
Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML
Today, a student pooped his pants in my office. I work with undergrad and graduate students. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
HowieDoIt 21
That ********-ated dickly...
BntyHntrSeattle 30
If you find him, tell him to whack off the premises...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (67)
titibug823 11
So go through and sanitize everything!
chelsearenaeee 16
Sanitize.
Sputnikspak 13
My boyfriend worked at a library as a clerk for years. Oh, the horror stories he has about catching patrons watching ****. Like the guy who only spoke Farsi, who, when my boyfriend tried to pantomime to him that he shouldn't watch ****, kissed him on the mouth. Worse things happened. Like the girl who returned 'The Da Vinci Code' with a used tampon inside.
DAN_THA_GR8 12
Thats just nasty .
luminos_ 9
This is why I don't trust public computers.
Capt_Oblivious 10
New meaning to 'sticky keys'.
j_cat187 20
Yea I gave up the computer lab when I noticed a man jacking off while I was typing an essay.
Enslaved 38
People are disgusting! You never know what you could be touching. I once had the chef at my job catch some guy masturbating at my job's restroom. That same guy then sat at my bar. He was drinking soda so quickly and kept asking for refills on them. Oh, hell no! I didn't want to touch the empty glasses so I brought him a new glass each time and kept the old ones there. By the time he left, he had 7 empty glasses surrounding him. Oh, and he used the restroom once again before he left! :P
notjanedoe 27
Don't use the slightly sticky one. Also, I would recommend lab gloves.
Merridew 8
Fap-fap