Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, like most days, my mom screamed at me for not knowing the answer to one of her random questions. When I told her she could easily Google it or ask Siri, she went full nuclear meltdown and raged, "I’m not asking that bitch Siri, I’m asking YOU!" The words "batshit crazy" come to mind. FML
Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML
Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "Should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML
Today, my girlfriend came up to me to ask me to have access to my Google account, just so she could delete all my photos then break up with me, saying I was in the wrong. She thought it was disrespectful for me to have a life outside of her. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML
Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my female best friend. When I pointed out that my friend's a lesbian, she said, "How the hell does that change anything?" I have no idea why I'm not happy to be rid of that paranoid imbecile. FML
Today, my girlfriend caught me using Tinder behind her back and now she wants to break up with me. I begged her to stay, but now we're kinda in between a friendship and a relationship. FML
Today, I dumped my girlfriend because she frequently wouldn't answer my texts or phone calls, and not call or message back for days. I felt that bringing it up made me a control freak. I couldn't take it anymore. FML
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Top comments
LunaaBluee 27
If you've begun to call her a 'crazy ******' then maybe you should break up with her now.
MrSassypants 34
Maybe you shouldn't have told Siri to call you by the name "Sex Machine".
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Comments (106)
mind0fmusicc 6
Run. Run while you can
GunSlinger69 19
How about a scar-17 just for good measure!
nolifeatall 6
or you could treat her like a human instead of like an object. I bet she was joking and your just an asshat who uses this as an excuse to say you want to break up with her. if you think she's that dumb ******* break up with her, stop being a dick. And everyone commenting about how she's bat shit, I hope you realize how misogynistic and disgusting you people are
ZedSinha 8
It's not misogynistic if she actually is batshit
gamernation89 10
I think that's a cue to get her to talk to someone no offense Siri is a program to help you out but some girls are extremely jealous like that it makes no sense at all
vikky538 29
you should better breakup with her before she uninstall siri...
radigen 11
run as fast as you can. will only get worse
cheez11pickle 6
crazy bitch…
catalina16 6
Just go into settings and change siris voice to a man, that might calm her down lol.
speakfreely 21
Omg this is me as a gf
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Because this is something to be proud of.
Tannasgh 22
Time to plan an exit strategy