Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the same store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML
Today, while walking around the local thrift store, I noticed an attractive guy watching me and following me through the aisles. As he followed me to my car I was sure I would get his number. He then asks me to bring my purse inside as I had been tagged as a shoplifter. I work at the store. FML
Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML
Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML
Today, a man finally was flirting with me in a supermarket checkout lane, even offering to help unload my groceries onto the conveyor. Turns out he was just distracting everyone so his partner in crime could steal $200 from the cash register. I had to give a witness statement to the manager. FML
Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML
Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML
Today, while I was shopping at a store with my friend, I noticed a cute girl smiling at us. My friend said, "She's all yours," and walked away. When I approached her, she asked me if my friend was single. FML
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Top comments
zbots 0
and you respond "how about I steal you away to dinner on Saturday?"
fantome_fml 0
Next time you go out try not to look like a criminal...that way when you do shoplift they won't notice
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Comments (67)
TheLittlestNinja 0
FCKING BITCH GO JUMP OFF A CLIFF INTO ON COMING TRAFFIC
34dah00d 0
man u must be black!!!! dnt tripp i think it happen to all us black at least twice in our lives!!!!!
moodyreallyrocks 27
That was completely uncalled for!
panda_bear511 0
@1: WHAT THE ****? DO WE NEED TO USE CAPITALS?! @OP: Whoops!
Metzler31 17
I hate capitals
sophiepento 0
Hahaha suck shit, maybe stop looking so creepy
KidInEmerica 0
you probably look like a "thug" lol
fantome_fml 0
Next time you go out try not to look like a criminal...that way when you do shoplift they won't notice
myexsucks 0
Why would the store worker tell you she thought you looked like someone who would shoplift? Seems pretty unprofessional to me....
zbots 0
and you respond "how about I steal you away to dinner on Saturday?"
demonkonga 5
Nice one
Walk1ng_Trav3sty 8
smooth.
chex_fml 0
o that sucks
omgepiphany 0
Good one, #7 hahaha
cthulhu1138 1
On the bright side, at least you managed to get the girl's attention.