Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, like most days, my mom screamed at me for not knowing the answer to one of her random questions. When I told her she could easily Google it or ask Siri, she went full nuclear meltdown and raged, "I’m not asking that bitch Siri, I’m asking YOU!" The words "batshit crazy" come to mind. FML
Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML
Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "Should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML
Today, my girlfriend came up to me to ask me to have access to my Google account, just so she could delete all my photos then break up with me, saying I was in the wrong. She thought it was disrespectful for me to have a life outside of her. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML
Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my female best friend. When I pointed out that my friend's a lesbian, she said, "How the hell does that change anything?" I have no idea why I'm not happy to be rid of that paranoid imbecile. FML
Today, my girlfriend caught me using Tinder behind her back and now she wants to break up with me. I begged her to stay, but now we're kinda in between a friendship and a relationship. FML
Today, I dumped my girlfriend because she frequently wouldn't answer my texts or phone calls, and not call or message back for days. I felt that bringing it up made me a control freak. I couldn't take it anymore. FML
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Top comments
LunaaBluee 27
If you've begun to call her a 'crazy ******' then maybe you should break up with her now.
MrSassypants 34
Maybe you shouldn't have told Siri to call you by the name "Sex Machine".
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Comments (106)
gabagabaheyu 10
have you seen "gone girl"?
Echoa21 18
Why are so many people bashing OP for saying he'll need a gun? I'd like to see your responses if the genders were switched here.
the_6_p_rule 7
That's feminism at it finest.
thecrazymancan 17
If the genders were swapped I'd still have a problem with this. She was upset about him possibly cheating with his phone (???). While he's already assumed that she's a sociopath (?!?) and that he'll need a gun (!!!).
IridianShadow 20
Quick way to get your phone destroyed: acquire gun, then call your crazy girlfriend Siri in bed.
Enkeria 30
Change Siri's voice to male and you're set. :)
sherry_berryxoxo 17
What the ****. You deserved it since you're a dick to call your girl a crazy ******.
mmazzaa 16
My boyfriend ain't allowed to sneeze in the public, people might say "bless you" and he's already blessed he has me!
fmlrulesBolt 14
I'm glad I don't have this problem
bassfisher100 23
I've got a gun you can borrow. but if it's not enough to stop the psycho... just keep running
kalbrek009 20
I don't think you can uninstall Siri, maybe try changing the voice to "male" like I did so you don't have anyone giving you guff about it.
mattyiscool123 26
You just have to turn it off