Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, like most days, my mom screamed at me for not knowing the answer to one of her random questions. When I told her she could easily Google it or ask Siri, she went full nuclear meltdown and raged, "I’m not asking that bitch Siri, I’m asking YOU!" The words "batshit crazy" come to mind. FML
Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML
Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "Should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML
Today, my girlfriend came up to me to ask me to have access to my Google account, just so she could delete all my photos then break up with me, saying I was in the wrong. She thought it was disrespectful for me to have a life outside of her. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML
Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my female best friend. When I pointed out that my friend's a lesbian, she said, "How the hell does that change anything?" I have no idea why I'm not happy to be rid of that paranoid imbecile. FML
Today, my girlfriend caught me using Tinder behind her back and now she wants to break up with me. I begged her to stay, but now we're kinda in between a friendship and a relationship. FML
Today, I dumped my girlfriend because she frequently wouldn't answer my texts or phone calls, and not call or message back for days. I felt that bringing it up made me a control freak. I couldn't take it anymore. FML
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Top comments
LunaaBluee 27
If you've begun to call her a 'crazy ******' then maybe you should break up with her now.
MrSassypants 34
Maybe you shouldn't have told Siri to call you by the name "Sex Machine".
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Comments (106)
midnightmoon106 12
Have fun
kirbs19 37
All I can say is good luck!
HaleyMae321 5
I agree what she did was a little crazy but you said you needed a gun to break up with her.... I think you're the crazy one...
bibobobonnor 8
I don't think the OP meant he'll need a gun to break up with her, but instead will need it after the break up, in case she tries to do something crazy and violent as revenge.
lalaney 14
Yeah. His reaction struck me as a little heartless. If he loved her, wouldn't he feel sorry for her that she's so insecure?
katttt21 20
Just change the voice of Siri to male. Problem solved
newyearstandup 13
So many things wrong with this picture. Dumb and crazy. RUN. And get a restraining order while you are at it.
Tryragos_fml 5
Well, you have an overly-attached girlfriend, but it's better than being lonely, right ?
Georges_V_fml 19
No, it's not.
ultra_notorious 26
learn her how to turn it of for but a non apple device!
sabbyheartswhat 23
You're my hero. :D
alex1022 11
thank goodness you dont have Cortana. shed go insane. not that she already hasnt.
halariousness 6
Seems like you've got a Winner winner chicken dinner