Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, like most days, my mom screamed at me for not knowing the answer to one of her random questions. When I told her she could easily Google it or ask Siri, she went full nuclear meltdown and raged, "I’m not asking that bitch Siri, I’m asking YOU!" The words "batshit crazy" come to mind. FML
Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML
Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "Should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML
Today, my girlfriend came up to me to ask me to have access to my Google account, just so she could delete all my photos then break up with me, saying I was in the wrong. She thought it was disrespectful for me to have a life outside of her. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML
Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my female best friend. When I pointed out that my friend's a lesbian, she said, "How the hell does that change anything?" I have no idea why I'm not happy to be rid of that paranoid imbecile. FML
Today, my girlfriend caught me using Tinder behind her back and now she wants to break up with me. I begged her to stay, but now we're kinda in between a friendship and a relationship. FML
Today, I dumped my girlfriend because she frequently wouldn't answer my texts or phone calls, and not call or message back for days. I felt that bringing it up made me a control freak. I couldn't take it anymore. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
LunaaBluee 27
If you've begun to call her a 'crazy ******' then maybe you should break up with her now.
MrSassypants 34
Maybe you shouldn't have told Siri to call you by the name "Sex Machine".
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
ProfessorMctitie 20
Ask Siri for advice
labaro19 17
Tell Siri to call you boo
anthony89_fml 12
I use to cook up them cookies, And I ain't look back my nigga!!
bdobbs1 12
When u breakup with here .... High hopes for ur relationship :) good luck
Hasselhoffart 15
I told Siri to name call me "big daddy long john" I wonder how my gf would react.
Ashwathi 21
Brace yourself. Have a shield and a bullet proof vest in hand before you break the news.
ladoom 23
You are calling your own girlfriend disrespectful things! Break up with her if you have had enough, but have some respect at least.
laden_swallow09 35
That only applies to people who are actually respectable.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Respect is something you earn. She did nothing to earn his respect.
purple_bunnies 20
*Sirius
Dynosaur_dollie 38
How exactly is being jealous over an electronic voice "innocent"?? She referred to the disembodied voice as a ****... which makes me wonder how she " innocently " reacts to real live women talking to him.
Vivi99 12
Op you don't need a gun that's just as crazy but if you do break up with her in person do it in a public place with witnesses if she try's to kill you.