Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my new boyfriend, well… penetration anyway. Turns out, he has premature ejaculation, and no idea how bad at sex he is. He actually thought he did a good job by lasting 20 seconds. He was done after 4 thrusts and was somehow confused. I didn't orgasm either. FML
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML
Today, after a month's-long dry spell, my wife and I finally had sex. It was awkward and terrible, neither of us finished, and she muttered, "I don't know why I missed that" after we gave up. FML
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex for the first time in months. We wanted to spice things up by using chocolate sauce during a blowjob, but the chocolate glued his foreskin to his penis and he cried. Safe to say the dry spell continues. FML
Today, I realized that it's been well over a month since my boyfriend has even tried to have sex with me. The last time was our first time, and because he couldn't keep it up, he's too humiliated to accept any of my advances. FML
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Top comments
VeganDarkLight 31
I know that feeling, was the same with my Ex. After a few weeks of trying, he finally told me he was still a virgin and scared of his first time (even though he really wanted to, I didn't pressure him or anything). A few nights later it suddenly worked =) Might be a similar problem with your bf, just don't pressure him or think it's your fault.
gracehi 33
Of course I do. You tie it tightly between two sticks, place it gently inside a ******, sit very still and wait patiently for five minutes, and then it releases magic tadpoles when the man pees out of it into the woman's belly. Then, nine months later, the baby comes out of the woman's belly button.
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Comments (113)
LPac5295 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sounds like the big man upstairs doesn't want you to do that.
Adeptus_Astartes 22
Morgan Freeman?
PerfectDarkTails 8
Rise and shine, Mister Freeman. Rise and... shine. let's just say your hour hasn't... cum again.
Retaheki 27
Wrong Freeman, #55.
doctorhook86 25
#59: It's Morgan's younger brother, Gordon Freeman. He's one of those geeky physics types. Also, he's adopted.
Stephencharis 14
pardon my ignorance, what does she mean by the 'year long dry spell'...
martin_dustinc 8
She hasn't had sex in a year, #80.
GoGiants28 13
At least you are keeping it tight
hugozac88 22
Maybe he's just shy, keep at it and try lube maybe
Emmiii_fml 18
A ****** doesn't become loose just from having sex. Do your research :P. If that was the case I'd feel so sorry for women who have given birth. (Seeing as a baby is much larger than a penis..hopefully at least)
xbread 19
????
xbread 19
LMFAO
Patriots21 14
Lol 63...nice try. yeah a woman's snatch definitely doesn't loosen up after delivery...yeah keep telling yourself that sweetheart
lgtservbot 13
@63 He didn't even state that a ****** got loose from sex, lol.
i_needa_username 17
That sucks
gracehi 33
Good advice. Try that, OP, if you haven't already.
LowExpectations 30
#3 fumbles the ball but #6 comes in with the fast recovery!(Crowd roars with cheers).
KeeLady 20
Don't give up OP!
incoherentrmblr 22
It's hard ...and it's gone...
shessohighh 10
#4 is right! I've had a lot of friends who had this problem with boyfriends and there are soo many reasons it can happen that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
gracehi 33
Put it in a splint?
buckstop1 37
Do you know how penises work?
gracehi 33
Of course I do. You tie it tightly between two sticks, place it gently inside a ******, sit very still and wait patiently for five minutes, and then it releases magic tadpoles when the man pees out of it into the woman's belly. Then, nine months later, the baby comes out of the woman's belly button.
iAlissa 34
Jesus **** that comment made me choke on my water
Cross_Pulse 5
great description lol
Retaheki 27
#20 proves that the sex ed in schools are pure propaganda, that's the real truth right there.
wizardcorn04 14
i think thats called viagra
SpittinThisShit 8
Ask him if he's gay or a pedophile... If pussy makes you soft something really wrong with you.
lukeluke2112 14
N
SweetasCandy0609 28
It sounds like it might be a medical problem he should go see a doctor they have medication for that.
VeganDarkLight 31
I know that feeling, was the same with my Ex. After a few weeks of trying, he finally told me he was still a virgin and scared of his first time (even though he really wanted to, I didn't pressure him or anything). A few nights later it suddenly worked =) Might be a similar problem with your bf, just don't pressure him or think it's your fault.
MorganHex 28
One word..... Viagra
wobbly1 16
It's the pecker picker upper!
martin8337 36
Giggity.
xwingtwo 15
Two words: he's gay.
twitchywaffles 26
Viagra is like caps lock for your penis.