Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML
Today, after coming back from deployment, I found a homeless guy had broken into my house and made it his home for the last 5 months. FML
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML
Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML
Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML
Today, when looking through my home surveillance camera footage, I realised I was almost burgled. Two men broke in, looked around for a few minutes, and on the audio I clearly heard them complaining that I didn’t have anything worth stealing, so one of them pissed on my armchair. I'd blamed my dog for that damp patch. FML
Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML
Today, my mum used her spare key to get into my flat and stole almost all my food. She claimed she did it for my health because I’m "getting a bit chubby." I weigh 12 stone while she weighs over 20, plus all my food was in her kitchen, except for the already empty packets in her bin. FML
Today, I came home to a completely trashed house and just stood there in shock until I heard something upstairs. I ran to heroically catch the robber and, despite being a 4'10" woman, I did it! How? The fat fuck got stuck in my window. FML
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Top comments
DrAwesome 6
"Ma'am, please tell your husband to get off of the ground and change himself. We need to continue this investigation."
PurplePigeon 0
I'm pretty sure once the cops get there and see a poo covered, crumby fat guy sleeping on your floor...they won't be able to deny it. :/ that would scare me immensely to come home to something like that.
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Comments (53)
omG_G00 0
poor you =[
Zmeilerr 22
aint
Einstein714 0
get out the magic markers and have some fun before the fuzz arrives
LOLSWAT 0
beat the **** out of him with a shovel and put a small angry rabid animal with lots of sharp teeth and claws in his pants then kick him down an up escalator
purplehayes60 8
if you tell the cops you shot him they would have no choice but to come to you and see for themselfs lol
PurplePigeon 0
I'm pretty sure once the cops get there and see a poo covered, crumby fat guy sleeping on your floor...they won't be able to deny it. :/ that would scare me immensely to come home to something like that.
marinus_fml 20
If the cops decide to go have a look...
PurplePigeon 0
I would hope so. what good are they if they don't come when needed?
hawtdawggy 0
im just wonderin how the fat guy broke in
VoodooGypsy 2
An object in motion will remain in motion until an external force acts upon it. Object being fat man, external force being door which in this case was unable to stop said fat man. That is my conclusion.
Draminicaus 0
You think the fat man pulled a Juggernaut? lol I'm wondering how a homeless man can be obese. Unless the money he begged for went to McDonald's instead of alcohol.
Draminicaus 0
You think the fat man pulled a Juggernaut? lol I'm wondering how a homeless man can be obese. Unless the money he begged for went to McDonald's instead of alcohol.
SadinSherman 16
Maybe he was fat before and is loosing the fat slowly.
tessybearbear 4
I don't know whether to be more shocked or disgusted.
fred88_fml 0
im more aroused then either of those two.
tessybearbear 4
#33, that gave me a good LOL
marinus_fml 20
He ate the muesli bars with anesthetics, the ones you were keeping to give to your husband when he misbehaves? F the fatties life!
DrAwesome 6
"Ma'am, please tell your husband to get off of the ground and change himself. We need to continue this investigation."
SARSvirus79 0
Win.
lollipopXx 0
ha!!
iliketurdles 7
he was hungry, YDI for not having a burglary alarm.
iliketurdles 7
Also i like turtles. That is all.
beatleschick1940 9
ew.
angelkey2myheart 0
I highly doubt if you called the police they'd not go there for a break in. this has to be made up or you live in a bad place.
RedPillSucks 33
Probably instead of stopping at "A man broke into my house", which would have had the cops by her door in minutes, she kept going about some guy eating muesli bar, yada yada..... They probably put her on hold, while they all had a good laugh.
beccusmaximus 0
OP is pretty dumb for going into the house after seeing the door/window broken in. What if this asshole was still in her house, armed and waiting for her? That's probably why the cops didn't believe her. I think it's pretty common knowledge to not into your house if it's broken into, but to call the cops immediately.
marinus_fml 20
That sir, was sheer win! but I believe the WA police would have tazered! Been in trouble about recklessly tazering people up to 12 times lol!
xNephilim 19
Maybe the dude picked the door lock and closed it again? Or maybe he broke a window in the back, where the OP couldn't see it? There are tons of reasons for the OP to go into the house....
stovetopper 2
so obviously fake