Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML
Today, I walked into my apartment after work, only be to greeted by an awful smell. I searched every inch of the place, convinced something had died. After an hour of searching around, I found the source: a single forgotten boiled egg in one of my backpack's pockets. I will never forget the smell of sulphur or whatever it was. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I woke up and poured myself a large glass of orange juice from a carton and took a big gulp only to realize it was liquid eggs. FML
Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML
Today, I gave myself a major foodgasm by creating an absolutely yummy egg and mushroom salad with mustard. Turns out, though, that my digestive abilities are not quite as good as my culinary ones. FML
Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sweet_candy_ 17
What did the egg say to the hot water? Wait I just got laid it's going to take a while to get hard.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Eggcellent.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
Miss_Random 0
Sounds like fun.
gregmoran 0
ydi for not putting commas in.
prettypinkpixie 9
How did you not notice the smell or taste?
ChantelRenaeee 0
delicious.
Erical33s 4
ewww i feel sorry for you!
ILoveTabz 0
always check something before you eat it.
alyslove 5
your comment is ironically funny :)
CryMoreFMLs 15
:/ It was lame. How did Op not smell them though...?
XxGuard 0
You really should study up on eggs. I've had to for my 2nd career as a chef. I spent 2 modules just on eggs alone. The eggs are only good for so long after the date.
Skorne 5
Sulfuric egg farts are the worst. Especially when someone walks into your room after a series of them
shanazzykiller 0
pics or it didnt happen