Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML
Today, I walked into my apartment after work, only be to greeted by an awful smell. I searched every inch of the place, convinced something had died. After an hour of searching around, I found the source: a single forgotten boiled egg in one of my backpack's pockets. I will never forget the smell of sulphur or whatever it was. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I woke up and poured myself a large glass of orange juice from a carton and took a big gulp only to realize it was liquid eggs. FML
Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML
Today, I gave myself a major foodgasm by creating an absolutely yummy egg and mushroom salad with mustard. Turns out, though, that my digestive abilities are not quite as good as my culinary ones. FML
Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
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Top comments
sweet_candy_ 17
What did the egg say to the hot water? Wait I just got laid it's going to take a while to get hard.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Eggcellent.
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Comments (110)
IronBrig4 3
"... and then I ate some rotten berries. Boy, I had some strong gasses eeking out of my butt that day."
benderbot19 0
donkey!
some1azn 0
Chris Tucker voice : "DAMN!!!"
Pigpen181 3
I get that by eating at McDonald's
benderbot19 0
I believe this should be filed under TMI
Blake4477 0
Agreed! This FML is like walking out of the bathroom and saying: "Damn! Don't go in there for a few days!" :&
sxe_beast 11
FYL. This really sucks =c. I hope you feel better soon.
hellokat1 0
Egg-actly! Haha I know it's lame.
shannyraelynn 6
You shouldn't eat stinky things, and rotten eggs stink so smell your eggs when your gonna eat them so it doesn't happen again ;)
xMeAtHaMmEr 0
egg farts suck anyway now add rotten to the mix....wow I bet your house stinks.
awardZu 0
Perhaps you should stop eating something if it smells/tastes differently than it is supposed to. When you notice that your eggs taste nasty, you should take the hint. YDI
monnanon 14
Do you have no sense of taste or smell or are you just a complete waste of breath? Rotton eggs smell strong, very strong and probably taste worse.