Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML
Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML
Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML
Today, it's day four of liquid ass and violent hurling after I hosted a birthday party for my daughter, and one of the kids brought a stomach virus rather than a present. Yesterday my daughter started with the violent vomiting too. Everything smells like vomit in my home. Yay me! FML
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Today, dealing with anxiety and depression, I finally got up the energy to bake. I chose homemade enchiladas. I then spent the whole day walking from the toilet to the nearest couch (and vice versa), feeling like my intestines were going to blow. No more enchiladas for me for a long time. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
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Top comments
Rosebudx 32
Hold a bucket or trash can while sitting on the pot. And what the hell were they baking that had this effect?!
Cads1 24
At least vomiting works the abs. Think of it as a failed way to exercise.
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Comments (63)
Cads1 24
At least vomiting works the abs. Think of it as a failed way to exercise.
NeatNit 33
there's always an up side! =D
Krypt1c 11
Actually depending on the severity of the vomiting it can be harmful for the abs and surrounding muscles
mds9986 24
Throwing up is also terrible for your teeth. I hope you're brushing them OP.
Hunkapoo 19
actually its bad to brush your teeth immediately after vomiting, stomach acid softens enamel, and the vigorous action from the tooth brush can cause more wear. rinse your mouth real well, and wait about an hour.
trollcrusher 17
Sounds like exercise to the death... I seriously hope the symptoms let up pretty soon! Not just because of the discomfort, but uncontrollably losing fluids from both ends, with no opportunity to rehydrate, sounds like it could end in hospitalization or death. I hope OP lost the symptoms or got help before any serious harm could occur.
jentrynicole 20
What could they have possibly made to do this to you?
Rkikkas9713 25
Lots of laxatives and old Chinese food.
thawny_fml 21
Laxatives and ipacack(spelling?).
ohSNAPyall 27
Ipecac. Since you asked. :)
QuaDECH 13
It probably included those sugar free gummy bears from Amazon.
pineapples24 11
Salmonella maybe
Rosebudx 32
Hold a bucket or trash can while sitting on the pot. And what the hell were they baking that had this effect?!
black_sher 7
I've seen so many fml's like this and always ask myself the same thing. Keep a bucket for vomit and the toilet for poopy
areid2000 13
That sounds horrible, hope you ger better Fyl
bcalle 8
Your roommates low key tried to kill you, don't trust anything they give you. If it's that severe, you either pissed them off or they are just evil. Either way they need to leave or you'll be finding yourself in this situation again
TheSovietOnion 21
Never trust beef, bacon, cheese cupcakes. Good in thought, bad in practice
ThePaperDragon 31
How does baking go so terribly wrong?
echarlotte 19
What the hell were they baking? Go to the doctor OP. Maybe they poisoned you
GreyJedi 10
Must have been working with some unstable herbs.
JMichael 26
Are you sure they didn't try to poison you??
Xx_dankdoge_xX 18
Atleast you're still alive right? ...... for now
domolovesyoshi 33
You're not wrong on the for now front for I can see sever dehydration in the future for OP