Today, I ate an entire pack of breath mints in preparation for a date. Instead of giving me fresh breath, it gave me a terrible case of diarrhea. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML
Today, I decided to pick up some breath mints. As I was checking out, the cashier informed me that if I was "planning on getting a girl to stay the night", I'd need the "stronger, more intense brand of mints". FML
Today, I was on a first date and everything was going great, until I realized I had garlic breath from the garlic bread I ate earlier. I tried covering it with a mouthful of wine, but it just made it worse. I ended up trying to avoid any closeness, and now I guess I'll just die alone. FML
Today, I rushed out of the bathroom with toothpaste smeared all over my chin and cheek. I was so anxious about going on a date that I didn’t realize this until said date pointed it out halfway through dinner. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML
Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
Today, I have chronic dry mouth due to medication. It makes my breath smell atrocious, so I got some Biotene dry mouth lozenges. I usually have constipation issues. Lately it's been the opposite. So I can either have porta-potty breath or be on the brink of shitting myself. FML
Today, a long day of work and a bad day for my mental health, I tried to relax with my wife, a movie, and a soda. After returning from using the bathroom, I took a swig to discover a particularly odorous stink bug had snuck into the can, now my mouth. FML
Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML
Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML
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Top comments
DalPozzo13 10
Shit happens
bbgirlXD 6
Well next time brush your teethes , instead of just covering your bad breath .
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Comments (189)
Toxzik 0
At least you're gona be smelling better.
cja101 8
Dude looks like a lady.
RaggleFrock 13
11- you're so superior to everyone who doesn't know the difference between your and you're.
6joe9 0
Just brush your teeth next time OP
maggieandangus 8
Ur hot but across the world from me D:
maggieandangus 8
Maybe I just can't be bothered typing that much and I want you to get a lyf, yes lyf
maggieandangus 8
And he is hot BTW!!!!!
RussianFox 13
45- The same way it wouldn't hurt just to let it be and keep it to yourself.
caroline766 0
I'm a girl no he looks gay
unitedfan11 0
Dirty mouth? Clean it over with orbit.
chlorinegreen 27
I hope it makes you all feel better to put someone down because of THEIR looks. Does the phrase "cyber bullying" mean anything to you? Tell me, how would you feel if you were male being told you look like a female? Or maybe you have a learning disability and can't spell well. I understand that it happens especially on a site like this. But let's do something crazy and actually talk about the topic for once and stop putting everyone down. I don't even care if I get thumbs down.
chlorinegreen 27
Op eating a whole thing of mints would make anyone sick. I agree with the other people who say just brush your teeth. Maybe floss and swish with your choice of mouth wash if your that worried.
zombicidal 11
we have no basis to think he has a learning disability and even if he did many people who do know the difference between your and you're and how to spell gonna correctly although I do agree not to say anything about appearance but I think people just shouldn't comment on profile pictures
chlorinegreen 27
Totally not the point of what I was saying. It was more to the people who get bashed repeatedly for their grammer when they really do try. They just want to put their opinion in too, like you. Yes there is a difference between there their and they're but honestly people make mistakes. That's just life.
zombicidal 11
at least he didn't say ur or use leet speak
chlorinegreen 27
86- I'm not trying to pick a fight with you or start an argument but how do you know it wasn't a mistake? There is faster and I used it till probably the end of high school till I really understood. I still make the occasional mistake. The comment wasn't aimed at you at all. It was more in general. I didn't mean for you to feel I was pointing you out. Sorry if you felt that way. I just felt sorry for all the mean comments 1 received. Which is the main reason I wrote what I did. But this is my last comment here. I've written enough novel length comments on here for people to go through. Take care
5t3ff1k4h 47
89 - There is the same length as their.
austin1616 2
She might be smelling good from one end.. But not the other end!
capper44 18
Seriously you are letterist ... Its their damn wish how they type or not, its a place to comment and have fun, not for english class lol and yea i know its "it's" jhandu :p
BarDownDaily 12
Benabus- Shut. The. ****. Up. You have fun correcting everyone's grammar/spelling, but you have atrocious grammar/spelling yourself.
nikkkkkiii 7
At least from one end.
ihasbrains 10
I wonder if OP knew it was the mints from the burning sensation.
Pixxio_O 11
119- the mints came out the other end too...
Driveshaft 5
Brush teeth much? ydi
Incredible_92 11
Mints don't come in a plastic tub with a clicky top bro.. You ate laxatives... :P
gojira666 7
^ ever heard of tic tacs?
maggieandangus 8
Very true, but I don't think mint overpowers that smell.............
SeaMen 3
The substitute sugar they use,usually xilitol( don't know how to spell it) causes diarrhea if you eat alot of it...
maggieandangus 8
It just makes my tongue feel wierd :)
naughtia 14
150- sorbitol
maggieandangus 8
I like hot mints and hot guys like Toxzik ;)
inverted_twinkie 6
Did the thought of brushing your teeth and using some mouthwash never come to mind?
blushy 14
that must have been a shitty situation
Yorih 19
150 - if the sweets are 'diabetic' friendly then yeah they'll have the sweeteners, though what they take out in sugar they put back in in carbohydrates through the sugar substitutes making it just as bad for diabetics, type 1 at least In my case, I don't get diarrhoea, I just get gassy xD
DalPozzo13 10
Shit happens
theunwiseone 4
You make my eyes all sad.
2O12 6
Shit gets old.
Jamialia 5
But it usually says it on the pack that eating them all at once will do that. Mine does.
waswashere 0
He better not run out on her. That would be pretty crappy and it would make him a shitstain
tellithowitis 13
AN* entire pack of breath mints
nofearjenshere 12
Eating to many mints gives my mouth a burning sensation... I cant imagine how her butthole felt...
X_Codes 11
Indeed it does say that on the pack. It's all the fake sugar.
Dusty_Busters 15
Lol
kelissa_fml 16
What kind of mints give you diarrhea?
TheLoneWandererX 2
The kind you put in your mouth and suck and chew on DUH!
cja101 8
All mints have sweeteners in them to much of that causes a laxative effect.
kelissa_fml 16
okay, thanks 10. I didn't get why it would do that...
cja101 8
Pity I found that out the hard way like op :-(
fymother 13
Well any aspartame bothers my stomach, so maybe they were sugar-free mints?
thefirstAvenger 6
7 seems to know alot about sucking and chewing.
wironandine 8
A lot of sugar free mints do as well
lord_jimmington 0
Anything containing sorbitol has a laxative effect if consumed in excess.
andyroxs 2
urinal mints
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Even a normal amount of mints, gum, or other artificially sweetened food can cause digestive issues. Most commonly, that would be boating and gas. I didn't even realize that gum was bothering my stomach until I stopped chewing it for a while.
lantern 6
Laxative mints
maronofhearts 19
My mints often cause boating it's a annoying side effect especially since I don't own a boat. What side effects will they give us next?
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I think it's the actual mint part that does it, not the sugar or sweetener.
doubleohseven 0
In her worrisome state over the date, op mistook pill-form ex-lax for altoids. F her life x(
TourettesGuyFTW 26
You dumb mofos. Peppermint oil is known to aid digestion. Too much of it = too much digestion = diarrhea.
TheLoneWandererX 2
I learned from your mother!
maggieandangus 8
It's the xylitol
connormce10 12
Most mints use sorbitol and/or sugar alcohol, which, if consumed in large amounts, will give you diarrhea.
Pentium_4 27
most people learn that the hard way
Fmn123 8
Unlucky, should've used only a couple mints....
TPSerigne 9
She should try brushing her teeth next time.
capnbzarr 43
Yep, brush your teeth once. Take one mint. If your breath is still funky after this, you need to consult a dentist about your halitosis.
justhanging 6
Also, brush your tongue -- that is supposedly where most of the smell comes from.
TheLoneWandererX 2
Breathmints my ASS you shoulda just had me take a vile fart in your mouth OP the end result wouldve been fantabulous breath!
Doortje 30
What a terrible attempt to try and be funny.
yummy_richkid 3
6 made an ASS out of himself.
mwrc8man94 1
How would something vile end up smelling fantabulous. Ya ****.
TheLoneWandererX 2
Oh yes! Flame me harder! Do it!
EndGame907 3
What a terrific attempt to be troll. 6 just made a TROLL out of himself.
music_woman1 11
So how's that date going OP? And did it say it causes diarrhoea on the packaging?
KiddNYC1O 22
Obviously magical...
nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2
You spelled diarrhea wrong.
music_woman1 11
I'm from the UK, we spell it diarrhoea
bbgirlXD 6
Well next time brush your teethes , instead of just covering your bad breath .
cja101 8
Lol teethes lol reminds me of a friend who pronounced teeth like that :-)
bbgirlXD 6
I Blame it on autocorrect :p , but really English isn't my first language .
Snafuusmc 12
At least your shit won't smell shitty?
EduJav321 24
Minty fresh shit
doridorigo 0
i totally understand this... same happened to me..
boofgall 16
Oh totally man.