Today, I was on a first date and everything was going great, until I realized I had garlic breath from the garlic bread I ate earlier. I tried covering it with a mouthful of wine, but it just made it worse. I ended up trying to avoid any closeness, and now I guess I'll just die alone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML
Today, I ate an entire pack of breath mints in preparation for a date. Instead of giving me fresh breath, it gave me a terrible case of diarrhea. FML
Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. He took me to a restaurant where I was allergic to practically everything on the menu. I sneezed five or six times within the first 15 minutes and spent the rest of the lunch awkwardly trying to explain I wasn't allergic to him, just the food and spices floating around us. FML
Today, I got stuck in an elevator with a group of people who smelled like they bathed in garlic. It was so bad that I'm pretty sure Dracula would have tried to claw his way out. FML
Today, I went on the first date of my life. I also burped during my first kiss. FML
Today, I was on a first date at high-end Indian restaurant. I tried to impress my date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu, only to find out it was way too hot for me to handle. I ruined the entire meal by coughing, choking, and drinking five gallons of water with tears streaming down my face for at least 40 minutes. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Brightside86 31
100% doubt they would have minded. They took you to a place that serves garlic bread, if they didn't didn't want their date with a hint of garlic than that's on them.
RichardPencil 32
You don't have mints or gum on you? You don't have the presence of mind to avoid garlic when kissing may be in the near future? You need to learn how to date. You shouldn't be doomed to spinsterhood just because you don't follow a few common sense tips.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (7)
MidnaLink 35
Don't sweat it so much. It's not like the garlic will start tasting like toothpaste before you kiss someone.
RichardPencil 32
You don't have mints or gum on you? You don't have the presence of mind to avoid garlic when kissing may be in the near future? You need to learn how to date. You shouldn't be doomed to spinsterhood just because you don't follow a few common sense tips.
poopface82 25
When this guy is not being a sarcastic bastard, listen the **** up.
RichardPencil 32
Damned Auto-Correct! I wrote "No matter how awful your breath is, a ******* is always welcome," but the computer "fixed it!"
HayNow 11
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Yudith 28
Better still, give some garlic bread to your date. This way, he won't mind the garlic breath since he'll have the same.
Brightside86 31
100% doubt they would have minded. They took you to a place that serves garlic bread, if they didn't didn't want their date with a hint of garlic than that's on them.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
You didn't brush your teeth before your date? Or, if you ate the garlic bread while on the date, the guy should expect your breath to smell as such.
ODBeefalo 10
pretty sure most dudes would not care. garlic bread is awesome...
D J's MOM 17
next time, eat some parsley. most restaurants have some. it's helps neutralize bad breath.
spinningrecords 14
Did you eat garlic on your date or did you sabotage yourself beforehand?