Today, I ate an entire pack of breath mints in preparation for a date. Instead of giving me fresh breath, it gave me a terrible case of diarrhea. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML
Today, I decided to pick up some breath mints. As I was checking out, the cashier informed me that if I was "planning on getting a girl to stay the night", I'd need the "stronger, more intense brand of mints". FML
Today, I was on a first date and everything was going great, until I realized I had garlic breath from the garlic bread I ate earlier. I tried covering it with a mouthful of wine, but it just made it worse. I ended up trying to avoid any closeness, and now I guess I'll just die alone. FML
Today, I rushed out of the bathroom with toothpaste smeared all over my chin and cheek. I was so anxious about going on a date that I didn’t realize this until said date pointed it out halfway through dinner. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML
Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
Today, I have chronic dry mouth due to medication. It makes my breath smell atrocious, so I got some Biotene dry mouth lozenges. I usually have constipation issues. Lately it's been the opposite. So I can either have porta-potty breath or be on the brink of shitting myself. FML
Today, a long day of work and a bad day for my mental health, I tried to relax with my wife, a movie, and a soda. After returning from using the bathroom, I took a swig to discover a particularly odorous stink bug had snuck into the can, now my mouth. FML
Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML
Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML
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Top comments
DalPozzo13 10
Shit happens
bbgirlXD 6
Well next time brush your teethes , instead of just covering your bad breath .
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Comments (189)
JMichael 26
Well shit happens
Lowie18 0
Because a whole packet of breath mints is WAY stronger than just one or two **sarcasm**.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Your comment was awesome, until you added the **sarcasm** clause. If you know how to use sarcasm, you don't need to put that your comment was meant to be sarcastic.
fallinin 1
False cause
White_Knightspc 0
well duh! their not meant to be used in that amount. shoulda used mentos the fresh maker
Unlucky_Gun 0
OP, you only need 1
CharliesCool2084 8
Try chewing gum next time.
isofia85 0
There's a new invention called the tooth brush. You use it with toothpaste and it really works! It not only makes your breath smell fresh, it actually CLEANS your teeth. :D Oh, and for extra fresh breath, there's a NEWER invention. It's called mouth wash.
madliibz 0
an entire**
xCrazyMexican 4
Smooth -_- dumbass
ForeverAloneGal 23
Why is your breath that bad? Brush your teeth and you'll only have to use like, two mints, max.