Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML
Today, my boyfriend got really excited that he'd broken his own record; he can now last a full 2 minutes in bed. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML
Today, I finally had sex with a coworker I’d been flirting with for nearly 2 and half years. The sex lasted less than 2 and a half minutes. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my husband and orgasmed. Three hours apart from each other. FML
Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML
Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML
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Top comments
Cavebone 5
that's a solid 50% improvement.
DalPozzo13 10
That's sad, my dog has gotten it on with a pillow longer than that haha
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Comments (229)
Fmn123 8
Better luck next time!
afdude87 6
the dude just needs some practice. don't make him feel bad about it though, shit. we all were like that at some point.
MatheusRajuidas 5
I mean 2 minutes... Is that even possible?.. How fast does he have to hump her for it to last 2 mins?! Anyway, he needs to STOP humping right before he's about to shoot for 10 secs and then go again. I dunno, might help at least a little bit.
linstar 13
Agreed with 26- if he's young and just starting out, this is not a problem. If he's over 25, you're in trouble.
emilyjgraham 34
he doesn't necessarily have to be 'humping' her fast, nerves play a huge part in performance and the length of sex. you never know, she might be teasing him with foreplay and he might be extremely excited. don't judge.
emilyjgraham 34
oh hang on now 33, I see you're only 15, possibility you haven't actually even had sex, so maybe we'll see, sometime in the future, your fml "today I had sex for the first time, I came before I fully in. fml"
Zomg_Okay 27
39 - 33 is probably basing all his knowledge off **** videos, where they edit it to make it look like they're going at it for hours.
mccaincracker 6
Conditioning will get him to last longer eventually :P
AFCA020 4
I thought at least one person would have said: "doesn't matter... Had sex" ... So there.. I did it.
emilyjgraham 34
43, you're probably right, in that case he should watch '**** fails' and see that even **** stars come early sometimes!
cvilla0713 0
Where have you been all my life?... GET HIM!
Tsunami87 17
I honestly thought this comment said "better **** next time"
GreatGeak 8
just means you have it more often. ;-)
gojira666 7
When that happens i just tell her shes unusually tight ;)
MatheusRajuidas 5
43 - FYI I'm not into **** and actually am not a virgin. Just sayin'.
cradle6 13
138- You're not qualified to give advice on the subject.
nic7973 23
give him more!
alextherussian 0
Hahaha
Xianthos 2
True, thats why they barely got any hard ones in **** :p **** =/= reality.
Akai_fml 4
OP says this is an FML. OP's guy says he managed to last 50% longer in bed!
somebody_special 9
26- u mean 4 minutes?
somebody_special 9
46** my bad
labanana_fml 5
wouldnt be better **** next time
blushy 14
practice makes perfect!
kelissa_fml 16
Aha well he didn't lie to you. C:
emilyjgraham 34
well you can't really blame him, if you think about it too much it causes pressure for them. just tell him to relax, doesn't matter how long he lasts, sex can be nerveracking for both boys and girls. he'll get better!
bjdavey 8
Relationships aren't all about sex.
efynsien 1
Proven fact that sex makes relationships go much smoother. That is why many marrieges fail, as the sex is bad because of old age.
CopehagenCanMan 0
2- I was just about to say the same thing
LouisianaBob 9
Better than not lying, he gave her a 50% increase in performance time. I'd say if this trend continues she may not be able to keep up.
acccccccc 1
What an overachiever!
DalPozzo13 10
That's sad, my dog has gotten it on with a pillow longer than that haha
ICATiger 13
Lucky my dog rapes people legs when they walk past......
beautyful_mess 0
OMG!!!!!! Rapist dog…
Cavebone 5
that's a solid 50% improvement.
nanxi 30
Progress!
KiddNYC1O 22
In increments too.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Wait a while and get back to it. hasn't he got any stamina?! Or a libido?!
JohnnyKade 25
Actually it's even better because it's technically a 150% improvement.
Benpie 22
No, it's a 50% improvement, but 150% of what it was.
Pentium_4 27
did he keep going till you were finished? gotta please the lady too!
rattusrattus 19
This is why *********** was invented. Unless the OP was gay, in which case I recommend ********.
rattusrattus 19
Gender not given, only gender of OP's partner. Which means that the OP may or may not be gay. Schrodinger's sexuality.
ENomine18 9
It's kind of impossible to keep going after you cum
SooooYeah 2
My boyfriends the same. but its okay, he lasts longer the 2nd time with a condom on
xcrazymonkey32x 0
Put some whiskey and pain pills in him and he'll be like the energizer bunny just keeps going and going and going
underguarded 20
Your boyfriend needs to learn how to hold back and not just focus on himself. Holy shit.
onlychildFTW 34
18 - it can be hard to not finish really fast sometimes. Not all guys can last an hour. Especially since it sounds like he is fairly new to the whole sex thing.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Oh thank god, someone mentioned having sex more then once- first time for him, second time for the partner. Both parties don't have to come every time. So long as you are going second rounds or doing other things to please your partner, it's fine if a guy doesn't last that long.
pancakerocks 1
I have trouble lasting. even with just my hand and no ****. My fingers please my girlfreind more than my d*ck..
Snafuusmc 12
I guess he came a little to short on time?
ICATiger 13
Next time it will be 4 minutes. Then 5. Then 6. Well I think you get the point
fentron 3
Or 4.5, 6.25, 9.125...
emjayprice 0
that relationship won't last long..
KyuuketsukiApple 30
... implying sex = relationship, lol, that's not how it works.
pinkelephantz 2
Ur what, 15? Sorry. That's not how relationships go in the grownup world. See most people who are in long term committed relationships aren't in it purely for sex. She and her boyfriend will probably work through this one unless they have issues outside the bedroom.
Capt_Awesome137 0
Quack
yazmi_09 3
BANG!!! ???? it's duck hunting season!
AnagenisisZagus 13
Your saying that is about the equivalent to me saying your duck face practice will most certainly end your relationship. Sex does not have to have anything to do with a good relationship for everyone.
mikepattonfan 0
It will last.... For about two minutes!
Joshawott 21
Well, at least he was true to his word.