Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I’m pregnant. He told me not to worry, he’d pay child support until it’s 18, and he’d be moved out of our flat by Friday. When I asked him why, he told me not to be stupid, no way was he being trapped into raising a kid. He didn’t even ask if it was a boy or girl. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I’m pregnant. He immediately had a massive panic attack about how a kid is going to ruin his life and split us up, because obviously I’ll choose the baby over him. We’re now in hospital because he hyperventilated, passed out and fractured his skull on the door handle. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he thought about having kids and, without a pause, he went, “Ew, no thanks.” I’m pretty sure I’m six weeks pregnant so, yeah… FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he might want kids one day, and he most definitely does not. In fact, he even thanked me for reminding him we need to stock up on condoms when we go shopping, plus he’s even considering a vasectomy just to make sure. I’m already pregnant. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
You are with a stupid man. The correct answer is: Falcon Punch.
spidersilkx9 0
that's what my dad said he'd do to me if I ever got prego.
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Comments (339)
R3kli3 10
psycho alert!
xXxDestinyXxX 0
Run! That answer makes it obvious that he does not care about you, and if you got pregnant he would either physically attack you or disappear and leave you alone with the baby.
argv 0
And it'd be her own damn fault for not killing it. Stop breeding!
chokeabitch 0
destiny, your brain capacity is equivalent to someone in primary school. I love my fiancee dearly. I joke with her all the time about falcon punching our fetus and teaching it the wrong colors. while I do plan on teaching it the wrong colors, it is idiotic to think that making a joke about something like that is the same thing as an actual threat.
andreezy273 0
funniest FML EVAAA!!!
Serix 0
I don't think some people could appreciate humor.. especially if he makes jokes like that a lot.
linalicious 0
what a jerk. push him down the stairs then dump him!
Raytestrak 3
That's what I always say to my girlfriend. Stairs FTW!
skyeyez9 25
I hope he was joking. But sounds like the type of person who would do the disappearing act if he got a girl preggo. And if he were to push you down a flight of stairs while you were preggo, it could kill you and your baby.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
the whole point of it would be killing the fetus, oh smart one.
bigsc 0
82 sounds like a baby-hungry psyco... and op, you deserve it for asking that question. If you asked me that question, I'd just assume you were pregnant, and somehow tricked me by poking the condom or something. My ex tried that all the time(she would tell me she's wearing her patch, and half way through, I find that nothing is there) anyway,I dumped her after she admitted to it. P.S. I have no problem taking care of a planned child, but trying to trick me into giving you one because you're bored, is uncool
chokeabitch 0
I agree that 82 solely wishes to procreate for the purpose of consuming her young.
vanavril14 1
I have a solution: DONT have sex with him OP...jesus
DjeePee 25
Wait, what kind of answer did you expect? A CUTE one? Is that like "OMFG, I'm sooooo happy you finally asks me that! I would LOVE it if you were pregnant! It's not like we can afford a baby, or that we're emotional ready for being parents, but OMFG, I want a baby with you a soon as possible...and I, I would go the park with him, feeding the ducks, and games, omfg, I could teach him how to save princess Peach, maybe we could do it together, yeeaaaah, great idea. A son, I can't wait!". And really, you wants him to be supportive whilst there is nothing to be supportive about. At least if you aren't pregnant.
Emrysa 1
Thank you so much. Common sense ftw. But OMG Sparkly POO's biological clock is ticking! How can you be so heartless?