Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today my boyfriend overeats when he is upset, and normally keeps tight hold of his diet to control his weight. He assures me he’s happy about it, but since I told him I’m pregnant 3 weeks ago, he’s put on 28 pounds. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm Dad." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. Instead of being happy, he freaked out, then told me I was trying to "trap" him. We've been together for 12 years, and trying for 3. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML
Today, after telling me his other girlfriend is pregnant, my boyfriend said we should stay together so I could help out with the baby. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You should tell your idiot boyfriend that pretty much ALL babies are fat. Besides, he should be watching the baby's tushy jiggle. It's much cuter than the chin. Yes, I said "tushy". Yes, I have kids.
celiiceegee 6
And later you guys can watch his/her chin jiggle while she competes on the biggest loser.
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Comments (110)
DocBastard 40
You should tell your idiot boyfriend that pretty much ALL babies are fat. Besides, he should be watching the baby's tushy jiggle. It's much cuter than the chin. Yes, I said "tushy". Yes, I have kids.
lolkaela 6
At least the boyfriend was supportive, even if he is an idiot.
shaagy2760 13
Hey it could be worse he could want nothing to do with the kid
QWERTYrage 3
So this is how the world is now. Couldn't graduate high school but can support you. Of course not financially.
USMCbabyy 9
lol i think that he should be watching his girlfriends tushy jiggle! hopefully he still thinks shes beautiful after she gets all that baby fat
tjv3 10
Yeah it sounds like y'all are ready for kids... I feel sorry for the child
happle 21
49- My mom birthed two kids and never got fat. Don't be so shallow.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
My friend's mother had birthed 12 children and she looks damn good. Couldn't even tell she popped out any at all lol
Jovecove 13
This couple is definitely American.
Stefan1994 7
46, where does it say that OP's boyfriend didn't graduate high school?
Werken247 14
If you turn the baby sideways and bounce her on your knee the tushy will look like double chins, then everyone's happy
Zyzz7 12
OP please dont have a baby with this man, there's enough parents making their kids fat as it is.
AriSwagg 9
That's ****** up, man.
howdeedoo 22
Actually it's kind of funny
kAPISH 29
The fact that you love lil wayne is ****** up. This is kind of cute. This could've been worse. You on the other hand, love lil wayne? Can't get any worse than that.
sens3sfailing 25
Oh god! Swagg?!?! *gets the community shotgun*
Lkitteh 5
Swag means 'Secretly we are gay' and the rappers use it as a code. Notice that Justin bieber uses it alot..
Dawnxxoo 11
fat babies are the cutest
gc327072 31
And they even giggle when you poke them!
outoftown 27
Especially with a top hat and cigar. Then they look like Winston Churchill.
johnmleech 7
He's going to be a great father
sarah6786 14
He really will be. Even looking up something stupid he seems so excited to have a baby.
shan88 14
I know you were trying to be sarcastic but he really will be a good dad. The fact that he's showing interest, even in this way, proves he's already a better father then a lot of "men"
celiiceegee 6
And later you guys can watch his/her chin jiggle while she competes on the biggest loser.
danielhartlesss 13
Haha or watch as all the other kids point and laugh :p
spekledworf 18
Or watch it become the next Honey Boo Boo
etchsanity1 11
Not another Boo Boo the world isn't ready for another porcine little inbred child.... Anyway I'm going to infer from this being on FML that the OP doesn't want a morbidly obese baby
nanny1010 12
At least he's excited about being a daddy! You should be grateful for that. Too many women end up raising their child alone because the deadbeat dads bail. Congrats on your pregnancy!
dashizam 10
Listen to Gentlemen by theory of a deadman, a very true song
GothickNihilist 15
OP is very lucky indeed. I went to a high school and a college, where there were countless single moms. It's extremely hard to raise a child on your own. It's very straining emotionaly, physically, and financially. I wish you luck OP, and congratulations on the pregnancy.
accioshannon 17
Can you try and convince him how unhealthy that is? Don't want another Honey BooBoo on our hands.
Miss_Attitude96 24
I watched that show for the first time a few nights ago.... I must say, I never had the strongest desire for cheese balls in my life until that night.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Aren't all babies fat, or chubby, anyway?
kathbutter 12
I'm Alana, I'm six and I'm a beauty queen!
capslockisgood 19
Nerburdy currs.
Lauren324 18
I remember when I had rolls everywhere...
kevsandy303 12
Rolls everywhere? Were you a successful baker? If so, don't sell anymore cakes to OP's boyfriend.
N3766 20
And they are still there #10, the rolls haven't move an inch
lilhellian 27
They ended up on your chest...
youknowimright 5
Ya looks likw theyre still there from your photoshopped dp
Lauren324 18
I was a chubby baby :(
randii_17 11
And you remember that!?
BlueFlatts 20
She was probably referring to pictures of her as a baby.
sisco2901 20
Wonder if he wants his kid a cardiac by ten...