Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I’m pregnant. He told me not to worry, he’d pay child support until it’s 18, and he’d be moved out of our flat by Friday. When I asked him why, he told me not to be stupid, no way was he being trapped into raising a kid. He didn’t even ask if it was a boy or girl. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I’m pregnant. He immediately had a massive panic attack about how a kid is going to ruin his life and split us up, because obviously I’ll choose the baby over him. We’re now in hospital because he hyperventilated, passed out and fractured his skull on the door handle. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he thought about having kids and, without a pause, he went, “Ew, no thanks.” I’m pretty sure I’m six weeks pregnant so, yeah… FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he might want kids one day, and he most definitely does not. In fact, he even thanked me for reminding him we need to stock up on condoms when we go shopping, plus he’s even considering a vasectomy just to make sure. I’m already pregnant. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
You are with a stupid man. The correct answer is: Falcon Punch.
spidersilkx9 0
that's what my dad said he'd do to me if I ever got prego.
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Comments (339)
KiNGDuBBz 0
lmao
MonkeyBallZ86 0
best answer ever
Emrysa 1
He was just yanking your chain. If you're not pregnant, maybe you should actually talk to him, some people look at having a child as a major life altering decision, something that can be extremely financially burdensome for eighteen years. I really hope you're not the kind of woman who thinks it would be super awesome to just go ahead and get yourself knocked up without telling him, like you're getting him a puppy as a surprise for his birthday or something, because a baby is such a bundle of sparkle poo, if so, there's a place in the special hell for someone like you. You do not just foist that kind of decision on someone unless it is a genuine accident. And if you are pregnant, maybe you should put on your big girl pants and just come out and tell him instead of hedging around it since that isn't really fair to him either. YDI.
deragon2015 1
hahaha thts ****** funny as hell
argv 0
What the hell did you expect him to say? That he adores the hideous little screaming demons and can't wait for one to horrifically rip its way out of your crotch, likely killing you in the process? What the hell is wrong with you?! YDI.
FFML_314 12
"likely killing you in the process" Way to show you're a true moron.
slayerman666 0
ahahahaha
argv 0
#190: Never heard of death in childbirth, have you? This is real life we're talking about, not a Disney movie. Wake up and smell the corpses—reproduction kills.
FFML_314 12
You said the word "likely" You're a moron. OF COURSE it /can/ kill you, but in /most/ cases, it won't. The world would not be over-populated if you're "more than likely" going to die from having a child. Idiot.
argv 0
And I suppose you think Russian roulette is good, wholesome fun? Why the hell would you want to risk your life for an evil, disgusting flesh-blob?
FFML_314 12
You are really dumb. I'm actually shocked at the way your brain operates. You should probably go ahead and play Russian Roulette with yourself. That way, it's not a matter of fate. Just a matter of time.
argv 0
That's it? Rather than contribute anything insightful, you're just going to call me dumb like a blockheaded schoolyard bully? Disappointing.
5t3ff1k4h 47
202, you are dumb.
FFML_314 12
Insightful? I thought that was incredibly insightful. I particularly enjoyed the last part. I'm sure you're still trying to figure out what I said though. I'll give you some time.
KBruce317 0
argv obviously doesn't know what he/she is talking about half the time. Just seems like they're on here to cause arguments with everyone and should know their shit before they start trying to talk shit.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Comment 202 shows that, clearly. "What, no argument?" *bawls in the corner* Life goal, ruined.
Emrysa 1
Well, as someone who never plans on having children, because I don't believe the fiscal and emotional burden is worth it, I actually feel the need to say, you're a little nuts. Russian Roulette has REALLY crappy odds. Having a child doesn't. Most women DO NOT die in labor. I don't know if your mom did, if so, that really sucks. But you're being super unrealistic in the OMG YOU GONNA DIE!!! Now, "babies are not shiny bundles of love and happiness," like most moronic baby crazy women who trick/machinate their boyfriends into having them would like to believe, that I will totally give you. The decision should be well thought out, if possible. I can only assume you're a troll or you've had some really traumatic event in your life that's causing you to exaggerate.
sexyscooter 0
he is tryin to be funny dumbass, so calm down, i luaghed so hard cuase thats somthin i would do
cloudyconverse 0
haha sounds like something my bf would say. u should be happy that he is humerous. if he's serious he needs help. but I doubt he is.
Mikehawk182 0
Wow...lol...thats freakin hilarious! Lol...