Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Today, I found out that, for over three years, my boyfriend has solely been dating me to get closer to my mom. Apparently, "she's a total MILF." FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. We've been dating for almost 5 months and are extremely in love. His mom basically said to me, "I want what’s best for my son and you aren’t it." FML
Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML
Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
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Top comments
loveandzombies 0
Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer....
poopooface 0
Why would you ask that in the first place? ... as if you wanted to know who the other 4 people where.
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Comments (191)
mrcarmine 0
MIIIIIIILF i once dated a girl whose mom looked like roma downey, even after having a total of 6 kids. going to her house was nice. haha
tipple 0
...And you asked this question, why? Were you just joking, in which case is it possible you got a joking answer? Or were you asking seriously? If so, is it common for you to back yourself and your boyfriend into lose-lose corners? And did you also ask your boyfriend for a top-5 list of who he would like to spend the rest of his life with? Personally, I prefer to go with the concept that you asked in jest, and got out-played at your own game. If so, then this is FML - you got done. :o) And I think both you and your boyfriend are hilarious! :o) If you were asking seriously, then YDI - ask a stupid question...
ful_fml 0
It's a silly childish question that deserved a jackass response.
craigahh 0
How about you post a picture of your mom?
narks 0
To be honest, chances are he doesn't think you are one of the 5 most attractive people in the world, which is usually the reason for wanting to have sex with someone. I think he probably added you for your own benefit, but not at number one so it didn't seem artificial. The truth is, he can probably think of 5 people better looking than you, but he's with you for a reason, so I say be happy with that :p
you_suck 0
I bet his #1 was you and your mom, that's hot
f__kY_urLif__ 0
AWESOME
quacko 0
Guess this is what happens when you're ugly.
Locket_fml 0
#43 Saying that wouldn't work either Then he would have been creepy
hellomynameis_ 0
Why would you ask that? Seriously.